For two months I had a brief but intense relationship with someone who has a fiancé.
The reasons for this intensity: good sexual chemistry, shared interests, and same hometown and ethnic background. Yet our sensibilities were different enough for us to clash during discussions about politics, for example. Our situation ended about 10 months ago, before Christmas. We slept together on perhaps eight or nine occasions in total. At the time I was single and she was in a non-monogamous arrangement with her fiancé (they are now monog, I understand).
The problem is this: for the past five weeks I’ve been receiving from her a weekly and sometimes daily stream of emails dissecting the relationship we had. She is obsessively auditing the entire relationship 10 months later. She claims I was cold to her on two occasions, and this constituted abuse (I don’t think I was cold at all, and certainly never abusive). In fact, her emails are outright abusive. She has developed bizarre new interpretations of certain things I said: she claims that I made many coded and ironic statements (this is not my style). I’ve tried to appease her without falsely admitting to having said anything I didn’t actually say. I have apologised for one or two insensitive remarks I made at that time, even though I believe I said nothing cruel. My feeling is that she is fixated. She can’t let this go and is rewriting the way she thinks of me. But it was so clearly not a relationship with long-term potential, and in fact we should never have been intimate. I regret it. We could have been friends instead. And, what’s more, she is engaged to be married to someone whom she should definitely marry (although I’ve never met him). I want her to stop contacting me and, ideally, to stop being so angry with me, since we move in somewhat similar circles. I want the messages to stop. But I am certain blocking her will make it all worse. How long will it take to end, and will the messages become more abusive?
Tl;dr! ... I had a brief but intense relationship and ten months later I am receiving angry and out-of-line emails from this person as she processes our relationship and the transition to married life. When will it end?
EDIT, but I guess this is already implied: one of the reasons I’m placating her is because I don’t want her telling people I’m an asshole. I wasn’t an asshole, for one thing. It’s too revealing to describe the nice (not romantic) things I did for her. But bottom line: I’m not an asshole and gossip networks can do real personal and professional damage these days.
Submitted October 02, 2021 at 05:08AM by olymessy https://ift.tt/3l50JRs
No comments:
Post a Comment