Husband and I get along really well but exceptionally get into horrible fights in which it seems like we become different people.

English is my second language so I apologize for any mistakes.

My husband [30m] and I [29f] love each other very much, and usually communicate very well. When we disagree on small issues or get mad at each other we usually talk about it right away and then let it go.

However, every other three or four months we get into huge fights where we scream and yell at each other and say horrible things. During these discussions we both feel the need to raise our voices because we feel like the other isn’t really listening to what each is trying to say.

It gets really ugly and after that, one of us usually storms off to cool down and when we come back we feel terrible about saying these things and about the way we treated each other.

Last night we got into one of these nasty fights and afterwards we apologized and apologized over and over. I told him that I felt like our relationship is great but during these unusual short horrible fights I feel like it is all falling apart and that our love just vanishes for a few minutes. We both admitted that we say things out of anger and that we don’t really mean most of them and are just exaggerating because of how frustrated we feel during these failed attempts at communication. But it’s really tiring and not healthy at all.

I have been thinking that it’s probably because I get really anxious when we fight and I need to fix it right away so when he storms off or removes himself from the situation I tend to follow him and then things start to heat up real fast. I think I need to let go of my anxiety and just let things cool off but I am not sure that is it or how to just let go.

For context, these fights usually are about the things we each do around the house and how tired we are from our jobs and how we both think each of us does more than the other, etc.

Has this happened to any of you? What can I do to avoid it? I appreciate any input at all.

TL;DR: My husband and I sometimes have very unusual fights in which we turn into different people and then feel terrible about it. What can we do to communicate better and avoid the situation from escalating?

Submitted October 12, 2021 at 05:47AM by Technical_Bluebird28 https://ift.tt/3n3Gljt