I (30F) have been dating my bf (29M) for over 5 years now. We had a lot of issues when we started dating that really impacted my self esteem, comments about my profession and education by his friends that he didnt stand up to (how can he respect me when I am just a 'insert job'), him wanting to see other girls and then lying to me about it. I developed lots of insecurities and may have become more dependant than I would have liked. We worked through these issues, he apologised for being an idiot, caring too much what people thought and became a better boyfriend. I went to a psychiatrist, got on medication and then moved on to talk therapy and I am better now. However I feel like while I was working on myself, there are still issues he has with me (and I am starting to think he needs therapy). I want to make this relationship (currently LDR) work so I work really hard and make changes, but I made sure to have a full life, got hobbies, got new friends, added volunteer work, got a 6x pay hike in new job and really got my shit together. Now I have started noticing that there's a lot that I have to give up on to keep him happy, its small things but they are important to me. Ill write some examples down below:
- He hates that when I have an issue I send long messages (this doesnt happen often and he doesnt like talking about things either-he is very non confrontational) but after therapy I prefer to write things down that are bothering me so they dont fester and turn ugly. He told me I should stop doing it, I did.
- He said I talk too much about the future, babies, wedding, rings (I wouldnt say too much) and it stresses him out. I stopped doing it but I feel bad cuz thinking about the future is exciting to me. Even if I just send him a meme about a baby (NOT hinting at having our own) he freaks out!
- He had issues with how I spent my money now that I make so much more but we kind of resolved this, but it still bothers me.
- On my 30th birthday, I was drinking wine and was on my second glass wanting to go for a third. He said I should stop and he doesnt enjoy it. (he doesnt drink) I said it was MY birthday and I want to celebrate it and if it was his and it was bothering him I would have stopped but its my day. I asked him why he thinks I should stop, he said I get 'annoying' I said that was a very rude blanket statement and if he could instead tell me what was bothering him in particular it would be a different conversation. Now we are planning to celebrate christmas with his family like every year and new years together just us, now I am just thinking about how I will be judged if I go for the second or third glass of bubbly and how could I let my hair down with the one person it should be the easiest to do so with.
does anyone have thoughts on how to navigate this? Am I in the wrong here? Are these too trivial to be worried about?
TL;DR! I feel like my relationship comes with too many conditions and I dont know how to navigate anymore.
Submitted October 09, 2021 at 04:47AM by Realistic-Space-5029 https://ift.tt/3AroEPn
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