My bf (24yo) of 1 year and 4 months wants to have a break. And I’m (24yo F) thinking where do we stand?
It’s understandable to have conflicting issues time-to-time, however, I start to think is it worth it? We’ve been arguing for the past several months and he feels burnt out saying that he feels like everything he does is wrong. As for me, I’m the super anxious because of COVID and it causes me to be controlling and hyper vigilante outside (use sanitizer, wash your hands, did you spray the car before I went inside, etc) or inside (“wait, you came from the outside! Sanitize your hands! Change your clothes!”) sort of deal. He gets reactive back saying “nooo it’s fine. I sanitized!” And I get anxious :(
In addition, I told him I want to hear more words of affirmation/validation from him…. I’m the type of person who loves words of affirmation and he says he doesn’t believe in those love languages nor does he know what his love language is… He then continues to say that I cannot expect him to change or provide “words” of validation… I reply saying that I come from a home that is so used to dismissive/resistive behaviors and that’s what I’m getting from him. My bf wants to fix the solution. It’s not wrong, it’s nice getting solutions, but then I feel like I wanted more to be said and not only “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” Then I start to get triggered and reactive because I wanted more comfort from him…
Since we’re on a break, I’ve been looking at anxious-avoidant attachment styles and I find it very similar. He starts to shut down while my paranoia and emotions get to me. I would be reactive and start to raise my tone of voice… I want to make this work, but then we are both stubborn to a fault. What should I do now at this time? How can we improve once we talk to each other again.
TLDR; my bf (24yo) wants a break from this relationship. There is an anxious-avoidance attachment style happening. What should I do now at this time? How can we improve once we talk to each other again.
Submitted October 04, 2021 at 08:50PM by RuneVoid270 https://ift.tt/2Yl6Yay
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