I just started working with a great woman a few months ago and we started talking during our coffee and lunch breaks. We really hit it off and agree on a lot of things. Our backgrounds, our beliefs, our habits, etc. However, much as the title says, she's married. What's more, she told me that she's fallen in love with me in a way she hasn't with her current husband.
She says there's nothing wrong with her husband, and that there is no hostility or resentment in her marriage, just that her husband's away from home a lot of the time, so there's a big gap in her life that's only filled when he visits her on the weekends. Or, in this circumstance, during coffee break with me. She finds me attractive, she says I'm very charming, and very captivating and emotionally supportive. She can't help but want to talk to me as much as she can.
Let me make something completely clear: I do not want a romantic relationship with this woman. As much as I find her attractive and great to be around, I simply can't and won't start anything with her. Period. There's too many factors at play here and too many red flags for me to consider anything serious. She asked me point-blank if I was in love with her: I replied by saying I might have been if she was single, but since she is not, I can't be in love with her, and so I'm not. Maybe in another life, but not this one. She has another family to take care of, and another partner in her life.
When she confessed to me, I told her that as flattered as I am, I think she's basically crushing on me because she isn't seeing her husband much, to which she admitted and is aware of. All the same, she says she can't help but see me in a romantic light.
I enjoy talking with her as a friend and don't really want to completely lose that, because she really is a wonderful human and it's nice to talk with someone you relate to, but I don't want to lead her on romantically or confuse her further.
I told her to focus this romantic energy on her marriage and on her husband, to start seeing her husband the same way she sees me, convince her husband to change his work schedule if possible, and more importantly, just open up with him and let him know that she feels emotionally starved.
For the time being, I told her that we shouldn't do anything drastic in either direction: We shouldn't start seeing each other after work and build on this, nor should we immediately cut off all contact and just forget about each other existing. I think either move would be less than ideal. The former choice would inevitably end in disaster, the latter would just be needlessly depressing. I told her to have faith in her own fidelity and her own integrity and realize that this infatuation will pass over, and to think of me more as a friend and a brother than any sort of romantic partner.
If she continues to pursue me romantically, I am not against completely cutting off contact and limiting time together just to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control, but only as a last resort. However, my hopes are that eventually this crush will fizzle out and we'll continue to be friends that are able to enjoy each other's company without any hint of romance.
My question for now, however, is if I'm doing the right thing or making the right choice. Should I swallow my own feelings of wanting to spend time with her, as a friend, and force distance between us at the cost of not being able to talk and relate with someone? Is my thought that exposure over time will dissipate this crush actually correct?
Basically, what can I do to make sure this doesn't get out of control?
TL;DR I enjoy spending time with a married coworker, but she's starting to crush on me. I want to continue being friends but don't want to lead her on or support any sort of emotional infidelity and was point-blank in telling her this. At this point, though, we're still talking with each other, but we're both aware that a romantic relationship will never happen. Anything else I can do at this point, any fuck-ups I may have made, or is this just a case of wait and see?
Submitted July 03, 2021 at 11:06AM by aslagarten191 https://ift.tt/3hvVmaH
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