How can I (35M) make my boyfriend (35M) who I’ve been supporting for 10 years, understand he needs to be independent?

Repost: sorry the age was a typo - I’ve (35M) been with my boyfriend (35M) for 12 years.

When I first met him he was a server at a restaurant.

The last time he had a job was 10 years ago.

For the last 10 years I’ve been supporting us.

Vacations, moving, food, bills, etc. if I want to do it I know it’s up to me to make it happen because he lacks ambition.

When I bring up to him that I can’t do this anymore that I want to build a life with someone not for someone he makes me feel like the bad guy.

I ask him “do you know why I’m frustrated?” And his answer is “because I don’t have money.”

Which makes it sound like I am just looking for a guy with money but that’s not the case.

I’m looking for someone who’s independent and I could plan a future with.

Right now we live in the apartment I own.

If I wanted a house and kids I’d be supporting them and him. I don’t see a future.

He tells me that in some relationships, when one partner makes more than the other, that the other partner contributes in other ways…

The truth is, if I ask him to do anything he either forgets or I have to ask him multiple times.

If he does do the task he does it very sloppy.

If I say to him that I want to paint the apartment or share ideas with him about things I want to do, he takes no initiative to make it happen.

What he does do is cook. I can cook to but he usually does the cooking.

We live in a city, but when we need a car he drives because I can’t.

I’m not really understanding why it’s some foreign concept that I want him to be able to support himself?

He’s had years to do whatever he wanted, I’ve invested money for different classes for him, if he needed help I was there.

Imagine having all the free time you wanted for 10 years with no worries.

Living in places like Manhattan, Los Angeles etc.

I’ve given him a lot of time and opportunities to do something.

How do I deal with this because I tell him The problem and he just answers back with: “so you think I don’t contribute in this relationship?”

I say “yes.”

And then he says “ok.”

And just gives me a silent treatment.

He’s someone that will cry and call himself a loser and do all that stuff.

TL;DR, I’ve been financially supporting my boyfriend for 10 years and he cannot support himself and is not working towards any goals. How do I make him understand how I’m feeling without him treating me like the bad guy?

Submitted July 28, 2021 at 03:15PM by unfamiliarbrie https://ift.tt/2WzizCb