When is it OK to say I have had enoigh

TW: quick mention of trauma

Tl;Dr at bottom

I'm going to try to keep this on point. There is no way I can add every detail obviously.

My youngest (21f) has bipolar and PTSD from some trauma she experienced a little over 2 years ago. She still lives at home. We let her boyfriend move in with the expressed expectation that he works and she works on herself thru therapy and maybe gets to the point that she can find part time work. So they can save and move out.

The boyfriend had some legal trouble, that we were aware of but overlooked because we thought he had learned from it. They both developed a drug addiction and got help. The boyfriend went to forced rehab (by his PO) but my daughter wouldn't. But she was going to a clinic and seemed to be doing better.

Boyfriend gets out of rehab a few weeks ago. Neither one of them have jobs. They don't shower unless I get pissy with them. They smell. My daughter has pretty much given up on therapy. They come and go at all hours. I don't think they are doing drugs but who knows because when I try to ask, I get met with anger. My husband says we are their flop house. They don't contribute anything. When asked to do anything around the house, they hem and haw and "forget" a lot.

We had a lot of things going on and my husband asked boyfriend to cut the grass before it rained. That was it. Lots of promises that they would. No problem. I had to be out of the house for an appointment, so I wasn't there that morning. They overslept. Husband cut it himself. So he had to stop the other thing he was doing to do it. For him that was the last straw. Seems petty, I know but there is so much. I can't put everything.

My husband wants them gone. I do too honestly but my Mom guilt knows they have nowhere else to go. But the stress from them being here is aggravating my own illnesses and making me constantly sick. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He says our daughter can obviously stay but boyfriend has to leave. But we both know they are a package deal so getting him out probably means she will go too.

I'm stuck. At what point am I allowed to put myself first?

Tl;Dr My daughter's boyfriend (and my daughter will see it as her too) has overstayed his welcome. I know he needs to go but Mom guilt is keepinge from wanting him out even tho my own health is deteriorating from the stress

Submitted July 26, 2021 at 12:16PM by grumpy-mom https://ift.tt/3iYdP0v