Wondering about next steps.. feeling pretty embarrassed/ betrayed right now, and posting this to create some awareness about trusting your intuition and walking away when the signs are right in front of you. Do you think this could’ve been handled better?
Timeline:
- Started dating beginning of Jan, things were extremely good. Had so much in common, they were so patient, caring and genuine that I truly felt a connection with this person
- Noticed some minor red flags when first connecting, such as revealing instagram photos, and a ton of male friends who were always in the picture, but chose to give them the benefit of the doubt that that's who they are and if I can trust them then it's no issue to me. You do you.
- She revealed she had a rough childhood full of abandonment and parental issues and has depression and taking medication. I believe at one point also indirectly said that she was diagnosed with BPD or a form of, a few years back (I never thought anything of it because it seemed like she was continually trying to better herself through meditation and personal development)
- Sex was great but was inconsistent, we would maybe have it once every week or two weeks. She blamed her low libido on her depression and medication, which I understood and believed and supported her.
- She wasn't working due to covid, as she worked in the service industry and was collecting government compensation, so she didnt have much, She was moving out of her place into a friends and staying in a spare room at theirs, as it was too soon for us to plan moving in together. She had nothing, but I was still here to support her and be the best that I could be.
- Met each other's parents, talked about the future, she even said on multiple occasions that she thought "I was her person that she finally found" .. and I believed those words and started fully opening myself up.
- I let my guard down and started investing more as things were still going amazing. Gave her keys to my place, spending lots of time together, building a stronger bond with her and my dog, all around and having a great time.
- End of June comes and she starts back at work, and I'm noticing her social media following starting to increase, and notice that it's all attractive, local men, liking each other’s photos. I start to get suspicious but I push it off and decide to talk about a past trauma that happened in regards to bars and my parent's infidelity during my childhood and how I was working on this issue and I wanted to make her aware of it. This sets her off and she gets extremely defensive and shuts down, saying I can't trust her and this wont work without trust. And then decides to up and leave my place and disappears for a couple of days.
- We start to see eachother less, from 3-4 days a week down to 1-2 cause 'she's busy', and she felt obligated to see me. Communication dropped, physical intimacy dropped, she was pulling back and I could feel it, but I did not chase. Arguments and random tension persists throughout the month and physical and emotional intimacy declines. Instead of snuggling up with me in bed she starts to obsessively call my dog up to sleep with her as a buffer between us.
- I'm now more aware of the sketchy behaviour as it keeps happening, noticing smaller things like how she won't like any of my photos or content, but would like all of these dude's pictures and engage with them. I'm also noticing she never asked me to come by her restaurant with my friends and have dinner and drinks (almost like she's hiding me)
- The liking and following continues to happen and I bring it up. I'm told that 'it's just instagram' and there's nothing to worry about. She only has eyes for me and her heart is with me. I'm also told to not bring my past into the present because she's not like that and would never hurt me. Her reason for not liking my photos were that there were girls on her page who she didn't want to contact me or try hitting me up (even though I was private lol)
- Then I catch her hiding her stories from me, and then she's blaming me that she can't do anything on instagram without me being upset or insecure (which is not true), and that she feels like she should block me. We had a conversation about ending things and she said the past month she's been losing attraction due to the arguements and insecurities I've been having (which all end up being true). I agree that maybe this isn’t right, then she back tracks and wants to figure it out. She pulls away again, we have another tension filled fight over text message how my responses were cold (I was using Siri as I was driving and explained that to her), and I propose we take the weekend to reset because of this weird tension that’s happening.
- I second guess myself and still start thinking that I'm the one who's insecure or overthinking and to just relax and be confident and let it go. I pull back. Plan a counselling session to figure out why I'm feeling the way I feel.
-At the end of that weekend I end up with a concussion from playing sports and I'm waiting at emergency at 2am and I tell them, but they seem to not care. Not come see me or check up on me. Two days pass and she finally comes to see me and is extremely nice, overly caring and being clingy. AS if she feels guilty.
- Sketchy behaviour continues that week, and finally I've had enough. She left her email logged into my computer and trust me, I'm not that guy but I needed the confirmation to walk away. I went into her instagram and was completely shocked and disgusted by what I saw. This was the thirstiest, dirtiest conversations that I've ever seen, sending photos, explicit messages, planning hookups with AT LEAST 4-5 dudes in the span of the past couple weeks, sometimes having the conversation while she's with me, or when she claimed to be tired or sleeping at home, or not feeling well. I’m pretty sure she’s already met up with a few of them.
- I text her 'This is over. Leave my keys with concierge and don't ever contact me again. and blocked her on everything. Later that night I get a response on social media though a burner account ' You're really going to fucking block me and not even tell me what the fuck is going on? Coward! Keys will be in the garage. (?)
- My last response to that was 'You know what you did and what you're currently doing, don't play stupid. I warned you what would happen if you broke my trust. Door is wide open for you to entertain other people now. Respect my ask and don't ever contact me again." and blocked that account too.
- Wake up in the morning to someone trying to get into my social media
- I texted them on Tuesday asking “where are my keys?” Which delivered but never got a response. I tried to ask again calmly this afternoon, because I just want my keys and to move on, but it turns out she blocked me lol.. like what? The audacity…
This all happened this past friday and havent heard a peep since. I really just want my keys back and for her to never step into my life again. It's crazy the amount of gaslighting, lying and manipulation that someone can do, and as someone who gives people the benefit of the doubt before it's broken, I learned the hard way to look for ACTION over words. I'm hurt, but more angry and betrayed than anything, and kinda pissed now that I gotta tell this story to my friends and family, as well as my doctor when I have to go get checked.
Will they ever regret what they did? Are they upset right now and suffering from me knowing and leaving them? Not sure, but if they ever try to reach out I'll be colder than ever and say it like it is. Now i'm just focusing on myself, working out, muay thai, sports, hobbies, friends and positive energy.
My best piece of advice, is always trust your intuition. If there are red flags popping up, walk the hell away. Dont hold hope that those flags will disappear, because they are there for a reason.
TL;DR Things going really well with girl. Started getting sketchy after returning to bar job after covid restrictions lift, was gaslit and lied to so many times where I started thinking it was me who had the issues. Turns out she was cheating on me the minute she stepped back into work. I cut it off and not looking back. Just want my keys / building fob back, but she's now blocked me after I asked for them.
Never dealt with something like this before, how’d I do?, next steps, etc. Any insight helps
Submitted July 28, 2021 at 09:23PM by flosstray https://ift.tt/3BTY83a
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