I (m, 40) am with D. (f, 43) for 5 years, since about 4 years we also live with D.'s son (16, m) in a shared apartment. I must mention that we have had certain communication problems since the beginning of the relationship. D. tends to get angry very quickly, the fights I had with her since the beginning were countless and sometimes very intense and grueling, highly dramatic and recurring.
This has sometimes been better, sometimes worse, but it has actually always been a theme. When I'm unlucky and she's in a bad mood there's almost nothing I can do about it.
She then actually picks on me in a tour, counts me incessantly what I do wrong - often it is about household things, for example that I take the wrong cup for my coffee or that I accidentally use a towel from her. For me these are small things and I make sure that I don't make my "mistakes" anymore, but unfortunately she never forgets anything and for example still holds it against me years after the incident that I used her towel.
I have to say that I am probably a bit sloppy when it comes to housekeeping, but not much more than she is. I, for example, have taken out the garbage she leaves in the kitchen hundreds of times the next morning and it would never have occurred to me to mention it, after all we are a team and that's what you do. She, on the other hand, is constantly looking for little things that she can reproach me for.
I believed for a long time that I was really sloppy and lazy like her, simply because she always claimed that, but now, after a few years of close observation, I can't confirm that at all.
The way she verbally lashes out at me during such attacks - that's the worst part. She then starts calling me names in a totally aggressive and angry tone, she literally can't stop. Calls me a jerk, a loser, a weakling.
At the very beginning of the relationship I sometimes fought back and got loud myself, yelled back, meanwhile I don't do that anymore, but she still holds the few times where I fought back at the beginning against me, brings out the things from back then at every escalation that comes from her.
Often, when we have such escalating arguments, I cry and withdraw, and actually wait for her to approach me, simply because I would probably do that myself, apologize to her after I would have behaved that way.
But she ignores it, laughs at me at most and accuses me of being manipulative, then goes to watch TV and ignores me. This can sometimes last for days. At some point she approaches me again and acts as if nothing had ever happened.
Personally, I find that pretty bad, too. That she never really apologizes.
I should probably also mention that she already wanted to leave me twice, wanted to break up, 18 months ago and again about three months ago. Unfortunately, I reacted very stupidly in this situation, cried - again - and begged her not to leave me. I know it's unworthy, but that's how I behaved.
At some point she let me persuade her. Since then, she sometimes accuses me of being together with me only because I would not let her go and would have persuaded her, especially during fights.
At the moment it is unfortunately so that we are actually only more flatmates. We don't have sex for weeks, although I actually have quite a high libido. She comes home from work and then never does anything but watch TV, for hours, on weekends for days.
When I suggest that we do something together, she rolls her eyes and lets me know that I'm interrupting.
I just realize, now that I'm writing this here, that I probably already know what I have to do anyway. Thanks for reading anyway.
tl;dr I am, as far as my relationship is concerned, extremely exhausted and tired. The constant arguments have worn me down and I can't see what's positive about it anymore. I think I have to leave.
Submitted July 26, 2021 at 09:38AM by corona_questions https://ift.tt/3zIZfjY
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