Back in my first year of university I formed a friendship with a girl let's call her Paulina, this is back when we were 19. We lived together in our second year with some other friends and had a great time. She would often bring around her bf at the time let's call him Mike and we would all hang out as a group. This group consistent of myself, my boyfriend, Paulina, Mike and another couple. We got pretty close over the years. After some time Mike and I got really close, probably to the same level I'm close with Paulina. Mike also got very close with my boyfriend too. Everything was great!
During the time I lived with Paulina, I did see some toxic things within their relationship. They were very hostile towards one another at times. He would often pick on her and try to get her mad and because she's a hot head she would react! However, there was a lot of love i saw in the relationship too.
They dated up until the end of 2019 and Paulina decided to call it quits although Mike didn't want that. I think it was for the best as their relationship was just getting worse and worse. With each party doing very toxic things to one another.They would both often come to me to complain about one another and I would always say I don't want to hear it but they would vent anyway. I asked Paulina if it was ok for my boyfriend and I to still maintain a relationship with Mike and she said she was fine with this. Maybe about 3 months after they broke up I had a party and they hooked up. Which was whatever, they're adults they can do what they want. However, maybe a month after that they have a big fight and have decided they can't maintain a relationship with eachother in any capacity which is fine.
End of 2020 Paulina calls me and tells me she no longer wants me to be friends with Mike. Bare in mind Paulina is in a relationship and so is Mike at this point. She says she's gone to therapy and has done some soul searching and has concluded that Mike was sexually abusive to her in the relationship. when she told me this I was shocked and wanted to be a supportive friend. I am not saying I don't believe her, I do! However, I do remember her being violent towards him, throwing water and cups at him, sending texts to him about how she wishes he dies. It's all a big mess
Anyway, I tell her that Mike is quite a big part of myself and my bfs life we speak to him just as often as we speak to her. She tells me she can't maintain a friendship with me unless i cut him off. I then told her it would have to be a process but I will eventually stop talking to him.
Fast forward to recently, she has asked me if I am still friends with him and I don't know how to respond. The truth is, I am still friends with him. I see them as completely separate, I don't talk about her to him nor do I talk about him to her. I am also getting married soon and would like them both to be there! ( This won't be until late 2022)
I really don't know if I'm a shit friend, I really don't know what to do. I'm not sure how to make everyone happy. It's been almost 2 years since they broke up. I don't want to cause her any trauma from my relationship with Mike but I also value Mike incredibly.
Do I come clean to her? Do I not invite Mike to the wedding?
Thanks!
Tldr: my friend doesn't want me to be friends with her ex however I'm very close with her ex and still want to maintain a relationship with him. Not sure what to do!
Submitted July 24, 2021 at 03:30PM by animetrixy11 https://ift.tt/3eVD0j8
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