Hey all, first thank you kindly for taking the time to read my post.
I am in a conundrum of a situation. I’ve been with my S/O for 12 years and we have three children. During the first half of our marriage, everything was looking up. I‘ve been a SAHM and my husband is the breadwinner at major corporate entities. He earns enough to support us, sort of. The sort of is the part that’s really messing with our life. Around 6 years ago, we moved from a major city to live near his family for added help with the kids/community. This is when my life started completely falling apart.
My husband lost his job (not the first time, but this part is important), and started confiding in his sister who was on welfare …for career advice. Together, against my wishes, they concocted a scheme to help her improve her situation as well as get him employed. Their plan worked- she made a lot of money acting as his recruiter, and he got placed in a new job. Well, this was without my input whatsoever. This ‘job’ was at a failing startup. I have a background in biz, and all the red flags started. That said, the ‘company’ went bust within 6 months, and she decided to help him again and that same situation repeated. This whole time, I had to move into his mother’s home in another country, and his sister decided I needed my own income and tried to get my kids taken away/ registered and put on me put on welfare, even though I am married to her brother and would not qualify for such things In their country.
All this to say, none ^^ of that would have happened, if my husband and I worked together on our own solutions. None. I had been trying to communicate and he blocked me out to prioritize his sister. I had warned them this wasn’t going to work. It hasn’t. And no one cares.
Fast froward, and they have kept at this scheme while also wrecking his career for the better part of 5 years. Then the worst thing that could happen, happened. My husband’s ex girlfriend, who he apparently dated and lived with, which I never knew while he was dating me, emailed me. She gave me the entire run down of their relationship from over 10 years ago. I have all our old emails, and I’ve reread them over and over and cannot believe the amount of deceit and lies that occurred. I have been left crushed. I’ve had to dig up receipts and he said sorry but its a long time ago and he doesn’t want to talk about it. He admits it happened And claims he never cared about her yada yada.
There is a lot of irony to this situation. When we moved near his family, it was because I was going to start work. His entire family said over and over ‘how dare i go to work, my husband earns more than enough, i am a bad person for wanting my own income, more stupid BS’ which led to the instability of his career, and my inability to get and maintain work (the instability has me moving for his work- relocating a home is expensive).
I am at my breaking point, and incredibly crushed. I am not a stupid person, but I feel I’ve been taken advantage of and discarded. I recently has a 20 week miscarriage which is not helping emotionally. (It was not a planned child, and I do not plan to have more children).
Everything in my life previous to his families involvement I felt I had some control in. Now with the discovery of this ‘relationship’ while we were dating, I feel the foundation is non existent.
I don’t know what to do. I have missed out on a lot of my own life, and I am a full-time mom, trying to keep things *normal* for the kids. I’ve been reduced to living only for them (which I would do no matter what), and I cannot cope with The lack of support. I am not a mean person. I am attractive and fit.
My guy basically only *Supports* me in actions when I’m ill, and if I have hopes or dreams I don’t think he’s ever asked, he’s never taken an interest in *moving forward positively together* or discussed the *life* direction of things.
There’s a lot more to this story, but at this time these facts are whats bothering me most and I don’t know what to do with small children involved and no career. 1) the downward career spiral 2)the relationship 3) worry about myself and the children.
Sometimes I think a divorce and a judge will be the only person to make him take things seriously when it comes to the kids and I.
Mostly, I’m just depressed and sad now. I feel Like I am having difficulty coping. I do have family but they are not supportive (I am the black sheep Of that group) And will not help me whatsoever although they are all very successful. It brings them joy that I am failing at life.
Please offer helpful advice. I need a friend, an ear, and some solutions.
Thank you, all, truly.
TL;DR! Husband is dismissive and making life changing decisions without me. I don’t know what to do.
Submitted July 03, 2021 at 11:32PM by Fallingtreesleaves https://ift.tt/3jFKcmw
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