I am 34 and my wife is 26. We dated for 1.5 years and have been married since September 2018.
While we were dating, her apartment was always a mess. She always had dishes piled up all over the place. There were no horizontal spaces in the apartment that didn't have something there. Whether it was dirty dishes, fast food drinks, random items, clean clothes, etc nothing had a specific place. Her apartment looked like the city dump. I talked with her about it and told her straight up that her living like this will be a MAJOR area of contention in our relationship. I also made it abundantly clear, while being as tactful as possible, that if we lived together then this will not happen.
Now we are married and living together and nothing has changed. Anytime I try to bring it up she gets super defensive and starts pointing out my flaws and she turns it into some big dramatic thing. I quit drinking, quit smoking and vaping, quit playing world of warcraft and am now working on finishing my degree and taking programming courses on the side to better myself and to further my career. I keep my stuff organized and everything has a place. I do the cleaning like vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the bathroom and doing the dishes. She cooks dinner sometimes.
She also holds onto stuff that she hasn't touched since we dated. It sits in the same box/plastic container.
I work in IT 6am to 230pm She works at a scuba shop from 9am to 6pm
I am meeting her more than halfway but it feels like she is doing nothing to improve herself or the living situation. How do I handle this? I am getting sick and tired of our room looking like the city dump and I am at a point that I might give her an ultimatum of fix it or I'm done. I have taken pictures and have talked with family about it and my family sees how messy she is. Everyone agrees that she needs to fix this. I love her but this is driving me nuts and I don't know how to talk with her without it turning into a Jerry Springer moment because she gets extremely defensive and dramatic over it.
How do I handle this? What do I do? What should I avoid doing or saying so it doesn't blow up into a major drama event? Should I not give an ultimatum? Do I get my family involved and have an intervention? I need advice because I want to work through this but only if she will actually accept that this is a problem and that this is causing a huge rift between us.
Tldr: Wife is a hoarder and is extremely messy and it's driving me nuts and it might end our marriage if it doesn't get fixed. I have tried talking with her about it but she always gets super defensive and dramatic when I bring it up.
Submitted February 20, 2020 at 07:54AM by Refrigeratordrew https://ift.tt/32hXISO
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