Is it possible for a marriage to survive domestic violence or will it always keep going?

I have nobody else I can talk to about this. I just don’t know..TLDR at the bottom. My husband (44M) and I (32F) have been together almost ten years and our relationship is fine except for a few bad explosive fights in the past. He’s great other than the fact he’s very jealous and I think he has mom-issues (she cheated a LOT on his dad I guess) he’s now putting on me. I come from a family where violence is the status quo so for a long time I figured hitting was what ppl did who cared..but now the past few years I’ve really been trying to stop thinking that way and being violent and putting up with it..and I’ve changed a lot after that realization. Two years ago my husband choked me sort of (not hard or anything but it was still not ok) cause I said something he didn’t like and I told him if he did it again I’d leave.

Well last night he flew into a random jealous rage and started putting his hands on me (putting hand on my throat, pushing and shoving at me) and I told him to stop like 4 times and he didn’t..so I smacked him. And I know I shouldn’t have, but next thing I know I am on the ground and dazed and my face is burning cause he had slapped me. He smacked me again in the face while I was down and then grabbed me by the neck and squeezed. I was pretty terrified by this time , and what was disturbing is that he wasn’t yelling at me because I had smacked him, he was yelling at me still accusing me of stupid shit I didn’t do. It felt like he tried his best to get me to hit him so he could feel free to get violent with me. It’s one thing to smack me back, but quite another to keep hitting me. My eye is swollen. Im honestly still shocked and having flashbacks. We have two kids and I have nowhere else to really go,and my mind keeps saying “well you hit him too, you are just as much to blame” it was just scary and I’m angry he took advantage of the obvious physical advantage he has. He’s never hit me before. Is it possible to fix this??

TLDR: husband gets jealous and paranoid and wouldn’t stop shoving and putting hands on me after I said stop so I smacked him, and then he started really hitting me and choking me til I was on the floor. I feel like I’m to blame like I may have deserved it for lashing out too and I’m confused..I don’t want to leave cause we have two kids and nowhere to go. Is it possible for a marriage to survive this and for it to not happen again?

Submitted February 24, 2020 at 06:02PM by Korusynchronicity https://ift.tt/2HR5CZE