We've been together for 5 years (5 birthdays omg). We don't have any children together but he has 2 sons from a previous relationship who live with us 1/5 time.
I grew up in a different culture and did not celebrate many holidays and birthdays were pretty much a non-event. Therefore, I don't attach as much significance to these occasions but I've tried to make them special because he cares.
My issue right now is with his birthday. He always makes me feel like things weren't done to his liking (he doesn't come right out and say that but there are certainly hints). Therefore I usually kind of dread his birthday.
For example, he started hinting that he wants a household item (which is pricey). I'm personally on a more limited budget, so it's harder for me to come up with $$$. But I put that on my list. I also bought him something smaller that is more of a "fun" item that I know he'll love plus one smaller item he needs. Round that out with cake and chocolates (his favorites) and I felt in good shape. These items were to be from all of us to him.
The week of his birthday, he asks me (playfully) what I got him and I told him it was something he'd really like. He asked who it was from. I told him all of us (me and his 2 sons). He got upset and said NO, they have to each get him something separate. Presents can't be from all of us. They need to put thought and care into choosing his gifts. OK, but the issue is they are younger, don't drive and don't have their own money. So of course anything that they choose (and he's very hard to buy for) will entail me driving them somewhere, helping them figure out what to get him (and I had a hard time coming up with the gifts I already bought!) and paying for them.
I also needed his help in telling me exactly what brand/model of household item he was wanting (because I simply don't know). I have the money for it and I'll get it (and he'd asked for it previously) so I just needed him to narrow it down. He said: "ok, but then it can't be for my birthday. It's just something you're buying for the family".
So now, I'm left with my fun gift that I bought him, plus one functional item. Both are small items. The household item is now off the list. And his sons are apparently EACH supposed to give him a gift.
He doesn't put much effort into my birthdays. But he says that's because when he asks me what I want, I say just to go for a nice dinner with my family. But that's true! I'm super low maintenance. He says just because I'm so low maintenance doesn't mean he is.
Is he being unreasonable? Am I being unfair? After all, his birthday only comes once a year. Should I be trying a lot harder? I feel so frustrated and I always feel like I "fail" at his birthday. Help please!
tldr: boyfriend makes gift giving so complicated for his birthday and I dread it every year.
Submitted February 27, 2020 at 01:10PM by gamerblueswo https://ift.tt/2I4CCxH
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