A little backstory is necessary first. It's a very long story but I'll try to keep it to just the main points. My parents divorced about a decade ago and it was initially a pretty messy split. Over the years following the split my father and his brothers had a huge falling out and disowned him over some poor decisions he made and had him (and his family) written out of the will. This meant that my siblings and our children will never get to see the family home we all grew up visiting which breaks all of our hearts as it was most of our favorite place with some of our fondest memories growing up. After this all shook down, my father and uncles completely cut ties entirely, even to the point that I had to call my Dad and tell him his mother passed away because his brothers would not tell him. This is one of my main gripes with said uncle which I still have an issue with today. The years following my siblings and I were disallowed from visiting the family home because we still kept communication with our dad; We all were held accountable for his actions and he felt we would scheme and try to do his bidding (whatever that may be) when we would visit. This is despite my their father's wish to be that the house stayed in the family for all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The whole situation deteriorated and most of my siblings haven't talked to the uncle since all of this went down. For me, it's been about a decade since I've said a single word to him. The extent of our relationship is just being friends on Facebook.
Now we get to the current problem. Out of the blue about a month ago, I got a text message from the uncle explaining that he had been at dinner with some friends whose kid (10) mentioned that he wants to go to the same trade school as me and has an interest in the field I work in. He said he was talking me up to this kid and wanted to see if I could give him some insight as to what I do. To be a little more clear, the field I work in is pretty small but it's a common subject that people end up wanting to talk with me about because most people don't personally know someone who does what I do. At first, I was caught off guard with how nonchalantly he messaged me after a decade of zero contact. Then the more I thought about it, I just got frustrated that after all these years and everything that he has done, it felt like he was essentially asking me for a favor to impress his friends over a dinner party. I left it alone and didn't reply because I wasn't sure how to proceed. I am typically a very helpful person, especially when it comes to people who are interested in working in the same field, but I couldn't bring myself to just push aside all of the past years of drama and wrongdoing just to help him look good for his friends. I got 3 different texts spanning the month essentially trying to follow up with me regarding the initial question. It has been quite for a while and then this past week, I got a phone call and voice mail essentially reiterating what was originally asked in the text. And then today, I got a message on LinkedIn from the family friend messaging me directly and asking the same question; looking for insight or stories about the industry for their 10-year-old. This was really weird for me because I was now contacted directly by this stranger on a professional platform. I felt like this really overstepped some boundaries (by my uncle) because I have not responded to these initial messages. I don't hold any ill will towards the family friend as there is no reason to expect they would know any of the past I have with my uncle, but I am bothered that I feel like my uncle may have suggested to the stranger to contact me directly since he was unsuccessful himself. So not only do they now have proof that I've received and read the message but now I'm being pushed into explaining to both of them directly why I don't want to be in contact with them. This is a big problem for me because I am typically extremely non-confrontational and I have a very hard time being direct, or even more so, rude to anyone, despite whatever wrong they've done to me. I feel like with now having been contacted by the family friend, I have to offer some kind of explanation as to why I feel uncomfortable with the situation and have to explain to my uncle why I'm not ok with being asked for a favor despite all of what he did and with zero communication in-between.
So my question to anyone who actually reads all of this is to ask what I should do in this situation? How should I address either party about this? I worry that if I confront uncle and tell him why I don't wish to help him with this situation, I will feel guilty about it later because I'm just not good at being blunt or burning bridges, even when they feel deserved. I really used to look up to this uncle a lot and I'm still sad that our relationship deteriorated to the extent it has.
tl;dr: Estranged uncle who I have had no communication for a decade is persistently asking for a favor to impress his dinner party friends regarding my career field. I don't feel comfortable with the situation and don't know how to proceed.
Thanks to anyone who reads this. I genuinely appreciate any input regarding this situation.
Submitted February 23, 2020 at 08:45PM by DJasperProbincruxIV https://ift.tt/2VkZaCq
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