I [27F] am a planner, and my SO [31M] is apparently plan-averse. What's a reasonable compromise or approach to long-term decision-making?

Okay, my SO and I are total opposites when it comes to long-term thinking. He's very much figure-it-out-as-it-comes and I like to have more of a plan. Not down to the day, but a general idea of what we want in the next 5/10/15 years.

It seems to be becoming more of an issue now that we're renovating our home. We've always talked about renovating our current home to sell and make a profit, and then building a custom home with the money earned. My SO flips houses for a living, so this is well within his wheelhouse.

The issue seems to come up when it's time to decide basically anything about the house. I'm approaching the decisions with the mindset that we're planning to sell, so it's not necessarily about what I want, but about what would be best for re-sale. He's determined that we should finish the house as we want it, just in case we end up staying. He will not commit to a plan to move "just in case" it doesn't happen. He wants to move, but he's determined that no timeline can be assigned to the sell/build plan because finances control when that can happen so it's pointless to plan anything. I'd like to have an idea of if we think it's something that'll happen in 5 years or 20 years, because to me that changes some of the decisions that we make with the current house. Every time it comes up we get into the same argument, mostly him telling me that he will not talk about a timeline because it's entirely out of our control and me getting frustrated because it's not actually that far out of our control, and having a general plan isn't totally unreasonable in my mind.

A couple of things worth noting. We are financially stable and could reasonably make a financial plan for when the sell/build could happen, but he's not willing to do that. He has been married in the past and did not have any financial stability, so planning anything money-dependent was pointless. I think part of his unwillingness to plan stuff may stem from that, but it's not something we've talked about in depth.

I should also note that the house is in his name and we have a solid cohabitation agreement addressing how finances would be handled in the event of a separation, drafted and reviewed with separate lawyers. Not that it should matter here, but sometimes people get sidetracked about financial entanglement before marriage.

TL;dr: SO determined to live life with goals and no plan, and I want an idea of when we may reach our goals and how we intend to get there. Seem to be at an impasse.

Submitted February 24, 2020 at 04:55PM by Instaplot https://ift.tt/2Po0mRv