My [26F] best friend [28F] of 10 years is driving me insane with her boy issues, to the point where I don’t know if I can handle being her friend anymore.

Let’s call my best friend Kayla.

My best friend Kayla and I met in high school. For as long as I’ve known her she has been in a relationship. I genuinely don’t think she has ever been single for more than a month. When I met her, she was part of the Mormon church. She dated a guy in high school, they broke up, she went to Utah for college, met a dude, got married at 19, divorced at 21. She has always chosen awful guys. The guy she married racked up $30,000 of debt in her name, refused to have sex with her and was a porn addict (I know this is a controversial topic on reddit but take this from someone who is COMPLETELY OKAY with porn. It got in the way of his life and his marriage- it was a real problem). Amongst those issues he was mentally abusive and was cheating on her toward the end of their relationship with his current wife. They divorced at 21, and she left the church.

She met a dude, moved in with him. He was a raging alcoholic and I don’t think I’ll ever know the complete extent of the abuse, but as far as I know he was verbally and emotionally abusive. I think it took her 2 or 3 years to get out of that relationship. She made a string of unheathly decisions with guys she was sleeping with (again, I am someone who normally advocates for a healthy sex life and NEVER shames women for whatever they’re doing- but my best friend was sleeping with guys who would leave her at bars while she’s fucked up, etc shit like that. I would get drunk calls from her at 3 in the morning about being left on the side of a road).

She continued on this path until she met someone she started to have a long distance relationship with. Long story short his issue was that he was a narcissist and she was never good enough for him. He constantly criticized her, he was perfect and knew all of life’s secrets while she was a project that needed fixing. Despite this treatment, she moved across the country for him. They even got engaged. Keep in mind she was calling me almost daily with the newest installment of their issues, during which I was always honest with her, to the point to where sometimes she wouldn’t talk to me for a couple of weeks because I think I would piss her off.

Their engagement recently ended about 3 months ago, during which she had already gone through two very toxic guys. The first one she had to get a restraining order against to get him to leave her alone. The current one ignores her for a week, and the minute he gives her attention, she gets so desperate to keep him around that she goes and fucks him. Then, he ignores her, her anxiety sky rockets, and the cycle continues.

Guys, I can’t deal with hearing about this anymore.

She just texted me “so me and Matt talked last night. And...we fucked LOL.” This isn’t funny. I know exactly what’s going to happen. He’s going to ignore her again for days, she’s going to obsess over it then when it’s convenient for him or he gets horny he’s gonna hit her up, she’s going to fall for it.

She goes through these waves of over compensating confidence, saying things like “I’m so hot and such a catch, FUCK this guy” and when her anxiety becomes too much she then goes to “I cant believe he’s walking away.” I always tell her fuck what he thinks! Why aren’t YOU walking away??? Treat yourself with respect!!! And it doesn’t ever get across.

My approach probably isn’t the best but I’m not a fucking therapist. I am at a point in my life where I want to be surrounded by confident and strong people. She is exhausting. She’s supposed to visit me this weekend and I am honestly not that excited. I love her to death but the minute it seems like she’s doing well she does something like this and it’s back at square one and I’m tired of waiting for her to have more self respect and believe in herself. Yes she is in therapy.

I realize this might make me seem like an asshole but it’s not healthy for me, who has my own mental issues and IS successfully working through them, to constantly hear about these issues that to me are so blatantly obvious to fix after all this time. This is like the 10th time she’s put herself through this. I want to see her through and be there for her but I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to push her away by saying something to blunt, but I also want to shake her and yell at her for fucking this dude who ignores her for as long as he pleases. I haven’t responded yet and she is going to be here around 8pm.

Keep in mind, she has a lot of family issues right now. I don’t understand why she’s even worried about guys when she should be focusing on her family right now. She also never got out of these relationships on her own accord. The guys, even when they were abusive, were the ones to break up with her (aside from restraining order guy) and she as always upset over them.

What would you do?

TL;DR my best friend is exhausting me with her boy issues. She repeatedly puts herself in the some situations and I’m getting tired of hearing about it after trying for years to help her.

Submitted February 29, 2020 at 12:40PM by banditdoris https://ift.tt/2Vy7HSv