Husband (31M) said something horrible about an overweight new mother and I (28F) can’t stop thinking about it.

Edit to add my husband and I have been together for 4 years, married for 2.

This past weekend my husband and I were with a group of friends which included a couple with a 1 year old baby that we have met a few times before. The mother is still nursing and is overweight. When we got home yesterday we were talking about the weekend and my husband started saying that even though they look happy he bets that the dad is secretly upset that his wife is fat now that she has a baby. He said “no wonder so many guys start looking at other women and fantasizing about them when they’re wives get pregnant”. I was upset and told him that that was bullshit and that her husband seemed to love her and find her very attractive, and anyways it’s only been a year since she had her baby and it often takes a long time to lose the baby weight, and even if you can your body is often never the same. To which he replied that that was just another reason not to have a kid.

We don’t even want a baby right now but the idea behind his words, that if a woman gains weight then it’s ok for men to look elsewhere, shocked me. I mean I’m young and in shape but I’m starting to get some lines on my face and grey hairs, so will he think the same thing when I start getting old? What about if I can’t workout and gain weight? How can i ever even consider having a baby with him if he feels this way? I tried explaining to him how horrible I felt his view was and he said that while it’s taboo it’s what all men feel, and that He would never leave me if I had an accident or anything, but that he would expect me to keep in shape and lose weight if I gain any. I got overwhelmed by my emotions and started to cry (which unfortunately happens often with me) and we kind of ended the conversation like that and he went to bed early and then we didn’t talk much this morning before work.

I can’t get his comments out of my head. He has said this exact thing before about this same couple and other overweight women and I have always told him I think it’s gross and he’s wrong but this time his comments hit me hard and I can’t get over my sense of disgust at him and fear that he is going to leave me as soon as I start showing signs of aging. Maybe because I feel insecure about my own looks recently.

How can I approach this topic with him to make him understand how hurtful it was to me and just how sleazy and sexist it is in general (or is it not? Maybe I’m wrong about this)? He is a wonderful person in general and I love him but I’m only 28 and i feel like I’m only going to be going downhill from here and I want to be with someone who will love me no matter what I look like.

Tl;dr my husband made some gross comments about an overweight mother, I am spiraling into insecurity and don’t know how to best talk to him about it.

Submitted February 24, 2020 at 10:22AM by _dandelo_ https://ift.tt/38V7woj