Link to my prior post.
So I was able to sit down with my son and ask him about his moms request or more importantly what he would prefer. He laughed and admitted he would also feel awkward about it because we have different personalities and environments at home. He asked me why she asked or what was said and when I told him he felt she was asking to have her family meet my daughter, which they have. Odd as it sounds, this is right up her ally.
Well on top of this we had agreed to share a present this year, a hunting bow, and we discussed how we would pay and also expectations. One thing I shared is that this is well above a birthday or Christmas gift so I would share with him that if he wants this that it would likely result is less or no bigger ticket items. He was on board and she had agreed but continued to share her budget for her kids, as if to say “What’s the big deal?”
I also shared that I would prefer for him to contribute some money on many of the accessories needed so he has some skin in the game. She agreed but also said they might buy something like a case but anything else he “needs” could be paid with birthday money or gifts, or worked off. I worked with her husband on what to get our son and offered to pay for it and pick it up as he suggested I go take a look with my son and see if I agree. This is all great!
Well it comes in, and I decide to contact my ex to arrange how we would like to gift this to my son which lead to my prior post. She said it’s up to me and let her know, and a day or so later I state that Thursday or Friday night would work for me or even Saturday. We also knew he would need to be fitted for this and my son when asked said he wanted me and his step dad along. Well I don’t hear anything and finally Thursday night my son calls and after being on the phone shared that his step dad didn’t want to be with as they only allow a technician inside for shooting and we would just be standing there. Ok fine, so I tell my son that after work on Friday I will pick him up and we will make a night of it before dropping him off at his moms.
Next day, I find out that step dad left work early as he was eager to get this set up with my son, so I am getting asked an hour before my shift ends if I can leave early. Nope. Can’t do, however, had it been discussed earlier I may have been able to make to swing. Regardless I wrap up as soon as I can which is just before 5 and head home to pick up my son, and then go into town to meet step dad.
We get there and for the most part it goes well. We chat while my son is getting fitted and he shared they are picking up the case. I say that I will also chip in a little extra for a release that he will need. 2 hours later they have 7 more items, all things he will eventually need, but won’t need right this second. $180 more on the bill and I chipped in my $35 as I said I would all week. So here I look like an cheap ass in front of my son. We wrap up the night and shakes hands, hug my boy and home I go. Oh well.
Today my son shared that they went back to town to do some shooting and get re-sighted which I assume was because step dad didn’t like the store that did it last night. I realize and even shared they may do more of this at his moms because they live in a rural town and his grandparents have land he can practice and hunt within 5 minutes away from his mom. I live in town which makes it harder and my land is an hour and a half.
I feel taken advantage of, and while I tried to set expectations as well as be supportive of all of this along with sharing this with my son based on his wishes, that they ultimately did their own thing and showed me up. It isn’t about money. I can afford to do more, I just like to raise my son appreciating things, and helping our. I pay my child support as well. It just hurts.
TL;DR: Talked with son agreed on what he would prefer for birthdays and holidays! Tried to coordinate and be supportive of my ex and her husbands feelings about gift as well as setting agreed upon expectations. Hurt as I feel my feelings were trampled on to show me up, intentional or not.
Submitted February 29, 2020 at 01:27PM by joestackum https://ift.tt/2VxNex9
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