My [32M] friend and co-worker [30F] comes off homophobic, but she's one of the truest LGBT+ supporters, yet no one believes it.

This is going to be weird for me to express, and it's a weird situation to process. TL;DR at the bottom.

For some context, I'm a gay man, married with 2 adopted children. We live in a country where sexuality is repressed and gayness is still pretty taboo. It's okay for celebrities, but it's all hush hush when it's normal everyday people- your neighbors, your children, your friends. It's hard living a life as openly gay here, but not unbearable. As the years go by I find more annoying than hard, but my family and I manage just fine.

I've been working with Lena for 4 years now, and I've known her almost a decade. We met before I came out of the closet, and if I'm being honest, I owe my coming out to her. We began as acquaintances, only hanging out in a large group of friends together.

Almost ten years ago, the group friends, including Lena and I went out partying. I had a crush on one of the Eight, I was confused about my sexuality, it was a dark time for me, and that night I had waay too much to drink. I left the bar and started roaming. While trying to find my way back to the bar in panic, two large macho dudes started bothering me, calling me names and pushing me around, I will never forget how scared I felt that night.

An then I heard a shriek so loud it echoed through the night, and I saw a figure running towards us with the might of a thousand waves. Lena. She spotted us from afar and realized they were bullying me and came roaring to my salvation. For a small girl she sure did scared the shit out of them, they were caught on surprise and surely wouldn't hit a woman, even though I remember Lena ready to throw some punches.

She was the only one who cared that I disappeared and went after me. She heard the two bullies calling me a "fairy" and various more gay slurs, and after I had calmed down she asked me, bluntly, if I were gay. It was the first time anyone asked me straight, and the first time I admitted it to anyone (even my self) wihh certainty. I expected her to be disgusted or different, but she just said "alright, you need to start learning to defend yourself, these fuckers here won't make it easy for you". These words stuck with me forever and soo and after I came out to my friends and family. Spoiler: I lost more than half of the people I considered family, close friends, brothers.

Ever since, Lena is my family, my friend, my sister. She has supported me so much, when it was so hard. I'll list some of the things I've seen her do in the past decade, because I could honestly write a book and I don't want to tire you anymore.

• She went after my university when they wouldn't let me sign up for my 2 last classes because I was gay. She went full force. We won.

• She had stood up for me to anyone and everyone, especially behind my back.

• She organized, funded and ran programs for young people struggling with fitting in, raising awareness for mental health on the way (really really backwards where we re from)

• She helped me open up to my now husband, who might I add....

• She later helped me propose to and marry (in another country)

• She brought hell upon the judges of the adoption agency (I don't know what they are called, the people who decide whether you're fit to adopt or not) who only made it harder for us because gay.

• She's gotten me and my husband jobs that we love, she babysits excitedly whenever she can, our kids adore her.

If it's not clear by now, Lena is a very strong, smart woman who doesn't take byllshut and stands up for the people who are wronged, no matter their sexuality, political beliefs or ethnicity. (side note, she's very involved with the immigrants situation and has opened a lot of eyes and a lot of doors). But Lena is also very humble and doesn't like to boast and gloat (tell me if I'm using those words wrongly please). Our co-workers don't know the half of it, and as Lena is very Profesional she hasn't let our personal life into work, so people don't realize just how close we are.

Lena is also fearless. She doesn't care if she shocks people or make them uncomfortable. She will straight up confront any one who behaves like an ass. One day at work this douche was telling a story of a guy that hit on him at a bar. He described with disgust how the guy dared offer to buy him a drink, because "he was.. You know.. You knoooow....-queue mimicking stereotype gay hand and hip movements-".

Lena said "Why can't you say it? He was gay. He was a fag maybe? A fairy? What is it you're so scared of saying? You are obviously disgusted, be honest and express yourself so it's apparent what a piece of shit you are. Stand by your words and your choices, don't hide behind vagueness you disgusting coward."

Everyone gasped and looked at her shocked, those words (fag, fairy etc) are a big no no, no matter what the point behind them was (side note: most of our co-workers don't know I'm gay, nor that I'm married with 2 kids. I don't feel comfortable with telling them for reasons such as this). And that started the gossiping.

The gossips and fake social justice warriors or the office went nuts. Everyone started whispering that Lena was homophobic, how dare she use these words, she's bigoted and a trash human being. Mind you, most of these people are white privileged 50+ year olds. I've seen some of them wash their hands obsessively after TALKING to an openly gay man, later heard them jokingly ask "do you think we ll get the gay if we partner up with him?". One lady gave advice to a friend who suspected her son was gay to force the poor boy into marriage because "he'll grow out of it once he's married to a woman".

Now almost everyone (save for 5 co-workers, our boss and the HR dude who is also gay and has been countless times at the receiving end of Lena's unconditional love and giving) is bashing her, avoiding her and being straight up mean to her. Everyone in the office has heard her defending homosexuality and minorities. She even said so out loud multiples times, she doesn't care, people knew. And now these people are intrepreting all these instances into Lena being a hypocrite and a liar. A REAL gay friendly person surely would NEVER speak these particular words.

These are the people who seem to believe they're better than others. You know why? Because on social media and in front of strangers they pretend to care about important issues, sharing click bait posts and preaching the same parroted crap any slacktivist preaches. They are racist, backwards, hypocrites, bigoted and cruel.

Lena is completely unfazed (is this right?) and laughs it all up. She has remained Profesional and snarky to them, enjoying how pitiful and small these people are. No one knows her outside the office. But I'm seething, I can't deal with how unfair this is. I've never been confrontational, I don't know how to respond to these people other than "don't waste my time with pointless gossip". I want to yell at them that they suck, they're hypocrites, they have no clue what they are talking about. I want to defend my friend like she has me so many times. Lena says to don't mind them, it will die out sooner or later. But I am so angry. 10 years ago she told me, wisely, that I needed to learn to be brave. I just don't know how to balance braveness with professionalism, and I'm also scared.

How can I handle this? Should I just sit and let her take it? Is there something I can do? I'm so clouded because I'm so mad, I'm afraid I'll act stupidly and make things worse.

Any advice is appreciated, sorry this is so long. It was a particularly heavy gossip day yesterday and I'm still very very angry as I write this. Thanks to all who read this far.

TL;DR: My very LGBT+ supporting friend is bashed at work by hypocrites, very unfairly. She is a truly remarkable woman and these ignorant mean people are ruining her name. I feel very involved, is there a way I can handle this?

Submitted February 29, 2020 at 01:09AM by MrsLazarus https://ift.tt/2I4rHEa