My fiancé and I are set to be married. I come from a very wealthy family. The wedding is roughly 100 days away and my family has spent roughly $30,000 on the prenup, $22,000 on the venue, roughly $5,000 on honeymoon planning and countless other expenses.
IF I cancel, the only recourse we have is to get $11,000 back from the venue. I'm very fortunate that my family has removed the financial stress from this decision. They won't be mad or angry if I call it off, in fact ever since I started talking about my doubts about this two weeks ago ... they feel the right thing to do is to break it off.
So, why do I feel this way? Honestly, when I met my current fiancé I was in a terrible spot. I was doped up on drugs and had even tried to IV pills a month before josh (let's call him josh) and I even met. I went out with him and it quickly dawned on me that if I wanted to live a life that mattered I'd need to be off the drugs. I got off them within 2months of dating.
This was 3 years ago.
Since then, I moved out of my parents house and in with josh. We've been living together for two years. I got a great job and I've had to get back on drugs (intense medical problems with coexisting addiction problems) and then I've gotten back off them. It's been a back and forth like this for the past 3 years with my most recent clean date being the 1st of February. It's rough.
Now josh is a military vet who had been working in the film industry as a grip. The last few months work has been slow. So, he enrolled himself in school for medical coding and billing using his GI bill that will pay him to go to school as a benefit of being in the army
He's stated multiple times he doesn't want to be with me if I keep using drugs, yet he's still here. He doesn't pick me up from work because, "gas is too expensive," So, I take uber/lyft on my father's dime, I don't drive for medical reasons. He won't stay at the hospital if I get admitted because, "parking is to expensive." He's constantly out playing Pokémon with his friends, which is harmless, but it's caused him to not spend a lot of time with me here recently.
I suggested postponing the wedding a few weeks ago. His reaction was an ultimatum if we postpone, we break up. He didn't seem concerned about me at all. He said he wanted to get married sooner than later because his parents are in declining health, and he wants them to witness, "their only son getting married." Also, I stupidly expressed my cold feet to his mother, and she immediately said, ""What about our deposit on the AirBnB we bought!?" nothing about how we were feeling or why. That really irked me. I get it that they aren't terribly wealthy, but jeepers creepers, it was kinda telling inmho.
I don't know, but that just made me feel like this is all about him and has nothing to do with me. I also feel like we are growing a part. I've gained a lot of confidence this past year, I've been able to reclaim my health, and overall have been doing super well. Meanwhile, he's been very negative about every little thing and its really rough for me to be surrounded by that all the time. I know depression is a thing, but it just feels like to him everything is white and black, and he can't see the gray areas ever. Even when it comes to little things. This has been a bit overwhelming and it's hard to understand.
Reddit, how should I go about this break up? I know he's going to be angry. I just don't think it's right and it is easier to leave now than once we're married.
TL;DR: I feel fiancé is self-absorbed, so I want to break up because he won't postpone the wedding. I feel awful, and don't know how to properly go about it. We live together and the wedding is about 100 days away. I also wee us growing apart in the near future. How do I breakup?
EDIT: Thanks for the feedback everyone. I wish I had the energy to respond to each one of you. Regarding my drug addiction, yea, it's a crappy thing. I have complex physical health problems. I have a pancreatic disorder, it was bad enough to require a feeding tube to the point where I did not consume food orally for 3 full years. I've had surgery on my neck TWICE once when I was 28 and again at 30. I had no choice when it came to the surgery. I've been off and on narcotics for the duration of my twenties. & yes, I've abused them. I've told on myself multiple times to my doctors so when I do get narcotic medication its highly regulated and normally a very short supply. I'm very self-aware of the problem and can take ownership of that.
Someone down there said, HE should leave HER and I honestly agree! He should. I'm not exactly the greatest. I've definitely done things I'm not proud of in this relationship. & he has his faults too. The truth is we've only known each other for 3 years and I feel it is far too soon to marry. I also feel like he really revealed himself when he said he wouldn't postpone the wedding. That we'd breakup instead. That his family, his money, his feelings, his stress, his depression, his.... everything comes before me. That's not a heart-warming feeling.
I'm definitely pissed at myself for not doing this sooner. I do think it needs to happen sooner than later, it's rough. People hear that I have money, and they jump to conclusions about spoiled etc., I'd trade lives in a heartbeat to be paycheck to paycheck and have my health and fun in my 20s. Grass is always greener on the other side. Money doesn't cure my illness, money doesn't bring my brother back from the grave, it doesn't solve the things that really matter.
Submitted February 29, 2020 at 02:52PM by IHaveHopeToday https://ift.tt/2PC3NnL
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