A few days ago, I found out via a tagged social media picture that my [22F] boyfriend [23M] of 3 years went to see his ex girlfriend without asking me how I felt about it. He had told me he was going to do a job and did not mention he was doing this. This girl shit talked me like crazy when him and I started dating (calling me ugly, a slut, whatever other generic female insults someone could come up with) and I have never even met her. He would also talk about her constantly to me when we first got together and send me the screenshots of her down talking me to him. It was very off putting to me that he was discussing me with her in the first place, but it died down over time. I am not fond of her and I was more or less relieved when they seemed to not be talking anymore. I’ve made it clear I would prefer if she would disappear because she stresses me out.
So fast forward, after I saw that I contacted him to confront him about it and his answer was that he just didn’t think to ask me. He said that she contacted him when he was leaving for work to help her with an application and it was on his way so he just thought it would be a nice thing to do. He also said I shouldn’t take this as a betrayal of trust because he didn’t do it maliciously.
After some back and forth arguing about it, he said that it’s no different than me dealing with my ex when we first got together. Some background on that, my ex boyfriend was emotionally and sexually abusive when we dated. He quite literally stalked me for the first year of my current relationship (showing up at my house and job, obsessively contacting me, sending me threats, threatening suicide if I didn’t speak to him). So that really set me off. I have been very open about how my ex boyfriend treated me with him. He was also there to witness the stalking and saw how bad it was so it was pretty damaging to me for him to make that comparison.
Some more background, last year I found out that he had an online dating profile that he was paying for. He did not physically cheat on me but he did make that profile 2 years into the relationship. He said he did it because I was busy with work and couldn’t pay as much attention to him (we are in a long distance relationship 2 hours by car). He said it made him feel bad about himself and needed a self esteem boost. I still think about it quite often so I do have a hard time trusting him or not feeling insecure about things like that. It has been spoken about countless times and I do not believe he will do it again, but it is still in the back of my mind.
I am extremely bothered by the fact that it didn’t enter his mind that doing this would be crossing a line and could possibly upset me. He knows how I feel about her and he knows that I already have a hard time trusting him. Him making that comparison to my abusive ex made everything worse. Any advice?
TL;DR my boyfriend went to see his ex without asking me
Submitted February 20, 2020 at 01:27PM by fuzzysoftworm https://ift.tt/2vU0dyA
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