Long time lurker, first time poster. Apologies for formatting (mobile).
We were friends first, and as we got to know each other over the course of 3 or so years, we fell for each other.
17 months into the relationship, 33M has come clean and admitted that he is already in another, longer, messy relationship that has been failing for a while but he is having difficulty untangling himself from. Something to do with family financials - his family owes her (30sF) and he is plagued by guilt.
I previously overlooked some shady behaviour due to complicated circumstances surrounding our families - conflicting cultures, that kind of thing, so I assumed it would be normal to keep our thing lowkey. However things came to a head as our relationship progressed - I expected more - and I demanded full transparency. He claims he hasn't been having sex with his 'actual partner' who 'sometimes' lives with him (obviously I'm going to get myself checked anyway). Apparently his current partner cheated on him at the beginning of their relationship.
I really love(d?) this man. He was so kind and he helped change my outlook on life to something so much more positive than before. He genuinely enriched my life, and I his. But obviously I'm feeling incredibly betrayed and heartbroken. Like I've been used to seek revenge on 30sF.
He is really ashamed of what he's done, and has asked me if I would consider waiting for him to figure out his mess. I am torn - I'm not sure I can ever get past the sheer extent of his lies and his inability to have addressed this situation by now. I'm actually embarrassed for him? Also not convinced he'll ever leave 30sF.
I am also moving states for my career (this whole revelation devolved from discussions about why long distance wouldn't be possible, in his view, despite his repeated declarations of love. And just last week he was telling me he'd like to live with me, had sheepishly - bc it's so early in the relationship - admitted he'd thought about marrying and starting a family with me). So I'll have lots and time and space to think this over.
I feel like I'm going crazy trying to sort the truth from the lies. I'd really appreciate an outside perspective. Also wondering if I should tell the gf he's a cheater??
tldr; bf admitted I'm his side piece but hopes to change his ways. Is it worth having hope/giving him a chance?
Submitted February 20, 2020 at 03:44AM by Tight-Cheetah https://ift.tt/2V6T8VR
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