Am I a jerk for being frustrated about my boyfriend being underappreciated and forced to take responsibility for his younger brother by their dad?

My (23F) boyfriend (22M, "Bob") is kind of a second dad to his younger brother (17M, "Joe"). While that is a wonderful relationship to have, it frustrates me that Bob often becomes entirely responsible for his brother, while Joe is never held accountable for anything, due to their dad's parenting style.

A bit of background - when Bob was 17, he was incredibly dependable. Due to financial difficulties at home, he was working and attending school full time, but he did well academically and was accepted into a great university. His parents have always expected a lot from him and have pushed him to be become a doctor. He did well in college, graduated early, and decided to take some time off to work as a teacher before applying to medical school. Simply put, he's incredible, but his parents rarely recognize his accomplishments and just glaze over everything he achieves with "...but when are you applying to medical school?". He’s never "good enough" despite working incredibly hard and being primary breadwinner at home.

Joe, however, has not had the same experience with his parents. He never studies (due to which he has straight B's and C's), procrastinates on assignments (and always ends up asking Bob to do half of them), and lacks a general sense of responsibility (wakes up ten minutes before school starts and is always late as a result, got a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt, never completes his own applications, etc.). No one holds him accountable for these things. The ticket he got? He's still allowed to drive the family car - no punishments or limitations - and the ticket will be paid for by Bob (who also compiled, completed, and submitted all of the materials necessary for Joe to get his license in the first place). His poor academic performance in school (and on his SATs) prevented him from getting into the one college he applied to and yet not a single complaint from anyone. He is still allowed to spend eight to nine hours a day on his phone or his X-Box instead of studying. Their dad keeps brushing off any of Joe's irresponsible behavior by saying "he's just a kid" or "he's just lazy" and "he'll be fine". If Bob ever gets frustrated and tells Joe to work harder or try to complete his assignments independently, their dad gets angry and says things like "what kind of brother/teacher are you that you can't help Joe when he needs you?". Bob is expected to do almost everything for his younger brother, and Joe is allowed to underachieve without facing any consequences.

It drives me INSANE that Joe is never held accountable for anything that he does. More so, it breaks my heart that Joe can get away with murder, but Bob is constantly put down because he is not in medical school yet, even though he has accomplished so much and works hard to support his family. That being said, I worry that I may be putting Bob above everyone else in his family. I've gotten into arguments with Bob's dad about the way he treats him, as well as the lack of responsibility being instilled in Joe, but I feel like a jerk afterwards. I would never want Bob to abandon his brother or stop offering him support, but I wish that Bob a) would get recognition for his accomplishments and b) not have to do everything for his brother so that Joe can gain a sense of responsibility.

TL;DR: Is it wrong of me to be upset that my boyfriend's parents hold him to a high standard while they let his younger brother get away with everything and make my boyfriend responsible for him?

Submitted February 20, 2020 at 09:54AM by Euphoric_Twist https://ift.tt/2V8qdAL