CONTEXT: We’ve been together 9 years and lived together for 3. We met at University and got on really well and ended up in love, but since we left and moved in together, it’s not been a fulfilling relationship.
PROBLEM: We fight big blow up fights every four months, usually me losing my patience and getting mad (I don’t really do angry, this isn’t me or wasn’t me).
We fight over the state of the house, or him not taking responsibility for things like renewing his car insurance or not getting the dogs flea medicine from the vet, not picking up after himself, getting angry that I haven’t cleaned his work shirts in time but he’d not putting them in the laundry basket, dropping a box of screws and nuts on the floor of the lounge and not cleaning them up.
That last one, he just laughed whenever I pointed it out, but said he’d be mad if I swept them up because he was enjoying how funny it was.
I just can’t rely on him to do anything, or invest in us and our living space. I’m not prohibitively clean, in fact by many standards I’m quite lazy, but it doesn’t stop me from trying my best to make sure that we live like functional adults.
It all came to a head when he insisted (literally insisted, I didn’t want to do that yet as I didn’t feel we were ready) we buy a house, and then when I protested that we should both be working towards it, he barely lifted a finger while insisting that he’d put in an equal effort. Yet when I asked him what he did, just in case I had been blind or biased against him, he couldn’t actually name anything.
I think it’s definitely for the best that the house fell through. But I don’t know what our next steps are. If he’s not my partner in the biggest financial investment we’re likely to make, how can we move forward, get married, have kids etc.?
He’s a lovely man in all other respects. I’d love to be his friend and we do get on well otherwise. I just think we aren’t right for each other, and we’ll just end up resenting the other if we carryon. We’ve both tried to meet in the middle, communicate more and better, put strategies and mitigations in place, but three years on we’re no further forward.
QUESTION: After three years of this, I’ve developed fatigue. I said I didn’t have it in me to try again, but he’s insisting that we can “do better and it’ll be different this time.” I’m not convinced and I’d really like to know if I’m being unreasonable or if it’s time to call time on our relationship. Any and all advice and perspective welcome!
Tl;dr I can’t rely on my boyfriend, and I’ve tried to meet in the middle for three years. It came to a head when he didn’t lift a finger to help buy the house he insisted we should buy. He says this time is different but I’m not convinced. Should we break up!
Submitted February 20, 2020 at 12:03PM by vertisarem https://ift.tt/2ugxELb
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