Hey so this is kinda crazy and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this actually is a double standard. My bf and I are both dorky, introverted types and we bonded over a mutual love of things like movies and video games. I used to have pretty bad social anxiety (it's still there but now it's a lot better) so I always found it a lot easier to relate to fictional people from movies, games, comic books etc than to real people, and for a while this was my coping mechanism. When I first met my bf and we started hitting it off as friends I used to talk to him a lot about fictional characters I liked, and he was really enthusiastic about it because he related to it 100% and also had fictional crushes all the time.
After we started officially dating I noticed that he was less interested in talking about movies and video games etc, especially when it even remotely involved fictional people I had previously mentioned that I really liked or had silly crushes on. This sounds so petty and immature but a few months back we actually had a full on fight because I made some dumb joke on my facebook referring to myself as mrs james bond when my friend tagged me in a picture. Like, I grew up watching the movies, I've always had a thing for james bond, and he knows this because it's actually one of the first things he got to know about me (a bunch of my friends and I went to see spectre when it came out, one of my friends invited me, and everyone was kinda poking fun at my james bond obsession). I ended up apologizing and deleting the joke, and had to listen to my bf give me this really long lecture about how he felt jealous and insecure when I made any sort of reference towards crushing on anyone else, especially fictional people. I kinda understood where he was coming from, so I told him I would stop talking about that kind of stuff around him, but he insisted that I shut down my fan accounts and pretty much never mention anywhere that I liked any other person. No more talk about individual movie characters anywhere, no "liking" fan art or pictures, nothing. At the moment the way he put it made it seem reasonable, like I was the immature and inappropriate one for crushing on other people while in a relationship, so I agreed.
I guess I'm just weirded out because well... Since he was so strict about me talking about fictional crushes you would think he holds himself to the same standards, right? Except he doesn't, like at all. I can't even scroll down my twitter feed without almost every other post being a picture or drawing of some sexy movie/video game character that my bf "liked." He's also constantly talking about how much he loves his "wife," which is basically a character from a video game we both play where you can date or marry your companion characters, and reposting sexy fan art of her with weirdly suggestive captions. But if I even mention james bond or the companion character I always end up dating from the same game his "wife" is from? Instantly shuts down, accuses me of intentionally trying to make him jealous, basically acts like an abused puppy for as long as it takes for me to break down and apologize.
I don't really know why I've been putting up with this for so long, but it'ts like each time I try to have a conversation about his double standards he somehow manages to turn it around and genuinely make me feel guilty. I walk away from these conversations feeling like I'm horrible and immature and I'm lucky he hasn't dumped me yet, and... well he just keeps on posting about his video game wives. I mean, it's not like I'm crushing on actual people, and it's not like I'm so obsessed with these passing crushes on fictional characters that I'm neglecting my relationship or reality in any way. At the very best I'll watch a movie, think "oh that guy's really cute," read some fanfiction, make a few inside jokes with some friends, and that's it. So I guess I just have a ton of questions to ask everyone who doesn't live with a bf who somehow ends up literally always being right. Is it really that abnormal and immature to have crushes on fictional people? I know for a fact that a lot of my friends do this, as well as my bf, but somehow he always twists it to make me and all my friends feel like the immature ones. If it really is as much of a dealbreaker as he says he is I'd like to get rid of this habit. Also, am I right in thinking that this is a huge double standard, and that if he really wants me to stop crushing on fictional people he should also stop obsessing over his video game wife? And I guess last of all, am I right in thinking that it just can't be healthy that somehow he walks away from all arguments being right? I'm not talking about him being right most of the time, I'm saying literally 100% of the time, like even when the argument started because he clearly fucked up by the end he's somehow right. Guys, I love my bf but I just need to hear it from someone else that either I'm overreacting or that something doesn't seem right.
tl;dr: I have a few crushes on movie and video game characters, and my bf insists that I never talk about them at all. If I do, he gets scarily passive aggressive. But at the same time he constantly talks about his own movie and video game character crushes. Is this a double standard?
Submitted October 26, 2018 at 04:24PM by ijustlikejamesbondok https://ift.tt/2Q5OW3q
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