Hi Reddit.
Note: When I say relationships, I mean both platonic and romantic.
I am a 26F and I've sick of the social patterns that have repeated throughout my life. For as long as I remember, I've had difficulties in making friends. I DO have a small circle of friends that I've made from high school. However, as we progress through our life stages, we've lost contact and I have about ~3 friends that I can message on a regular basis to ask meet out. We meet up once around 3 months. I'm very sick of being social isolated but it seems like nothing appears to work.
Some background: I'm 26F and I currently work part-time in a male-dominated and isolated field. I also go to university part-time. Here is the problem: for whatever reason, I seem to have trouble making close friendships since I've left high school. I volunteer, have hobbies, participate in clubs but nothing seems to stick. Although I'm an introvert at heart, I'm pretty outgoing in public and I'm not shy to strike up conversations first or saying hi to familiar faces. My outgoing attitude has engendered me lots of acquaintances and casual friends (think: "friends" that you see regularly around campus until classes end....). I've tried every advice in the book: Asking to hang out, arranging meet-ups, going to social events... etc. etc. Still... nothing seems to work.
I've also noticed that it is easier for me to make male "friends". Now... I have to preface this to say that I am happy to befriend anyone who seems receptive to getting to know each other and having interesting conversations. For the last six months, I thought I made two male friends. But I'm beginning to think differently. For one, I've noticed that I'm always the one to initiate conversations/hanging out, and out of 10 offers, maybe they will agree to study together ONCE. Since then, I've let the "Friendships" die out because I don't want to push anything that makes people uncomfortable. But I'm at a loss. I'm also starting to think that I'm some sort of leper that repels people. Sometimes I will bump into my friends and see them having a lively conversation with other classmates... but this has NEVER happened to me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Reddit. Please help!
Some more information:
- I've had people advise me to make female friends. The thing is, for whatever reason, I find making female friends ever harder than male friends. To be honest, I'm also starting to think that my male "friends" aren't really friends... perhaps they were flattered and mistook my friendliness as romantic interest, and they grew bored because they got interested in someone else. I talk to female classmates all the time but it almost always end in one-word answers. I've also noticed that whenever I start a new class, my female peers tend to self-organize into little cliques and I am always the last one out. Always. I am friendly, cheerful, and always strike up small talk. But nothing works.
- I ask my old high school friends if I come off as weird or unapproachable. They say that I'm "funny" and don't think there's anything wrong with me. When I'm with my friends, I make them laugh all the time. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
- I groom myself and brush my teeth 2 times a day & floss. Regular dental check-ups... so I don't think it's bad hygiene repelling people.
- I've never been asked out, flirted with, or has gone on a date. I've tried online dating and my love life is just as horrid as my platonic social life.
Tl;DR: Cannot make friends. Cannot socially bond with other human beings. Please help!
Submitted October 30, 2018 at 05:04PM by IntelligentMedia0 https://ift.tt/2JsPyxx
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