So I've not been the best member of my family. I'm the youngest sibling of 4 and didn't have the greatest childhood. I was fed and looked after and cared for financially but emotionally I was considered "neglected".
I've tried on several occasions to be more friendly and active with my family as when I turned 18, I left to live with friends and kind of went off the radar. I'd only phone up family every 3 months if that. I'm wanting to try and be better at seeing them and talking to them as they really want to see me.
My problem is, I simply just don't care for them. It's horrible to say out loud and it's horrible to think, but I must really not care for them if all I can think about when I see them is how I could be spending my time better somewhere else, at home, on my computer, with my partner, literally sleeping. Anything is better than just sitting there and listening to them talk about their lives. I think this stems from that I was the ignored one in my family, it was quite often in my childhood that I'd tried to talk and they'd all talk over each other and be louder, so I'd end up just wandering off to my room and nobody would notice.
I would love to be able to feel some kind of emotion to be more friendly towards my family. Don't get me wrong, I play nice and I act interested in what they're saying but I can feel my mind wonder and start chanting in my head "I don't want to be here"
Anybody know of a way to fix this or any advice would be great if you also dealt with this! Thanks.
TLDR: I struggle to keep interested and listen to family members because of childhood issues, I want to be a better family member but I just cannot force myself to care for them.
Submitted October 30, 2018 at 03:51AM by Gillfeesh https://ift.tt/2qk8eXo
No comments:
Post a Comment