Looking for an apartment together, and our income disparity/budget disagreements is driving me [28F] and my boyfriend [29M] apart.

My boyfriend Patrick and I have an amazing relationship - our communication is better than it's been in any of our past relationships, he's truly my best friend and my cheerleader, we have a fantastic sex life, and my friends and family are as in love with him as I am. We've been together for 2 years and have talked very seriously about marriage, children, etc.

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The only thing, and I really mean the *only* thing we have ever fought about is money. Now that we're seriously talking about moving in together, we can't come to a compromise about a budget, and it's become an increasingly large source of fights.

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Patrick is steadfast on wanting to split our living expenses 50/50, which sounds fine in theory but we live the highest COL areas in Canada, which is only getting more expensive. If we were to look for an apartment in his price range, we would either have to live waaaaay out in the boonies far away from our workplaces/lives and public transit (neither of us drive), in a really sketchy area, or in a tiny bachelor that won't have enough room for the two of us, and would still probably be overpriced.

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Simply put, my income is over triple Patrick's, so I don't see why any of that would be necessary. I have a stable, high-paying job and am a healthy saver. I'm more than comfortable covering our expenses completely, split the cost proportionately to our incomes, or have Patrick pay the same rent he does now and have me cover the difference - it literally does not matter to me so long as we end up in a nice, clean apartment in a safe area, but on Patrick's budget, we won't be able to do that. He is bulldoggedly insistent on the fact that he pay his way "like a man".

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I'm getting frustrated by this viewpoint - I am willing and *enthusiastic* to volunteer an extra sum of money so I don't have to commute an extra hour to work, or have to have my apartment sprayed for bed bugs every other month. We could live in a tiny bachelor an hour away from both of our jobs and friends and lives, but we don't have to and I can't get him to budge. I love him and want to improve our quality of life using the money I work hard for, but he's so wrapped up with the idea that if he doesn't contribute exactly 50% of expenses that he's failed as a partner.

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I know that we come from different financial backgrounds and have very different relationships with money (I grew up upper-middle class and privileged, he grew up very poor and is still paying off student debt), so I get on the surface why he doesn't want to commit to a higher price tag than he could afford by himself, lest I get hit by a bus or something. But at the same time I don't want to have to sacrifice my standard of living just to live within his means, when on my budget we could do so much better. I would also much prefer for him to prioritize paying off his student debt instead of worrying about how to balance our shared living expenses, debt payments, etc. Also before anyone asks, I have never asked him to pay for our outings/dates, if it's something pricey that he wouldn't suggest I always pay, and we do a lot of low-cost/free dates as well.

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Is there any way we can find a common ground? We won't be able to even begin looking at places to live together until we can agree on a budget, and his anxiety over "paying his way" could seriously impact our life together. Help?

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tl;dr: Boyfriend and I can't agree on a budget when looking for an apartment together - I think his is too low, he thinks if he can't contribute 50% of expenses he's not a real man. Need help on finding a common ground.

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Submitted October 29, 2018 at 02:03PM by incomedispbf https://ift.tt/2COADMw