Backstory for context. My father is an immigrant from the Middle East. He married my mom (American) and had me and my brother and has been living in the US since. My parents have been divorced since I was little. I still live at both houses though and stay with my father sometimes because he is closest to my job and because he guilts me into it. (I am saving up money and dont mind staying with my mom.)
My father is an interesting man. He's extremely intelligent and is truly the definition of the American Dream. So I have a lot of respect for him, and appreciate all the things he has ever done for me financially (college).
But he has so many flaws. His temper is so quick with everyone, literally to the point of screaming if you even look at him the wrong way. My whole life I have been afraid of him. I never said anything to step out of line with him because I was afraid of the consequences. I would get screamed at and berated for the smallest things. I have been called a horrible daughter, ungrateful, etc. And it's strange to hear that because around him, I barely speak because I literally dont even like having conversations with him.
The reason I mentioned where he is from is because I think it might be maybe more? common for Middle Eastern men to act this way? I don't know but some friends of mine who have middle eastern parents say their parents act somewhat similarly. My father constantly talks about how I need to respect him, and honor him and his culture and understand what it means to love your parents and listen to everything they say, etc. He uses his culture a lot as an excuse for why he screams and calls me names.
He really doesn't know who I am as a person because I have never once felt comfortable around him.
I know he has gone to therapy and anger management but as you'll see later, I dont think it has helped.
He talks a lot. He is very egotistical and self involved. Whenever I try to speak about anything, he blatantly ignores or interrupts and keeps talking about himself. It's as if anything I say is not important.
Other times he is very happy and hyper and tells me how much he loves me. But he can flip so easily. Sometimes I think he is actually bipolar but I dont think that's the right diagnosis.
It never escalated to regular physical abuse, but when he was a drunk he once kicked me while I was on the stairs. And since I still stay with him sometimes, we recently had a very bad argument where I screamed back at him for the first time and cursed back at him. He spit on me and kicked me out.
Since then, he apologized and now we pretend it never happened (which he usually always does after he screams at me). But I never got to speak my mind, partly because he moved past it, and partly because I know it will be useless AND I would simply dread talking to him about it.
I know the answer seems obvious, stay with my mom until I can move out and stop speaking to him.
But I hate confrontation, I hate speaking with him, and I hate that my own father makes me uncomfortable to speak up and be myself. He guilts me whenever I stay with my mom more even though I am 24 years old. I would rather stay with my mom all the time even though it's so much longer of a commute to work. But he says that if I stay with her, I should stay with him too.
I wish he was different but he isn't, and so I need to deal with this a certain way but I dont know how. It's really stressful for me.
I'm a full grown woman and I'm afraid of even speaking to my own father. He treats me like I'm still a child and constantly makes me anxious. Even when I'm not near him. I feel so embarrassed about the whole situation, but this is where I am in life unfortunately.
If anything, this is me ranting and hoping that at least someone else understands what I'm going through. Please dont judge me, as I know the whole thing sounds stupid and easy to solve. But after growing up this way and living this way for so many years, it's hard to deal with.
But if anyone has advice after being in a similar family situation, I'd be happy to listen.
Tldr: I'm not sure how to deal with my emotionally abusive father after 24 years.
Submitted October 29, 2018 at 11:38AM by icanseeyournuts https://ift.tt/2Jn5HEo
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