Dating a year, crazy for each other. But we keep having the same fight.
I live alone, he with a roommate, but I spend about 6 nights a week at his place. When we first started dating I tried to get him to hang out at my place with me more, but back then I had a bit of an overbearing roomie and a smaller space so we actually both preferred the privacy of his place. Since moving into my own place a few months back, this has just kind of carried over. I try to get him over sometimes, but he’s never slept there. But he practically begs me to come over at least 5 nights a week, usually 6. I know I need a bit more alone time than this but I also enjoy his company a lot so I end up doing that.
Early on we established that he cooks, I do the dishes/put away food/clean the kitchen after. He told me that he hates to do dishes but loves to cook, so before I came around he never cooked and now he can. And it seems a fair division of labor. However, I also help him cook during the process and he can be a bit rude in the kitchen because he likes things very particular. I on the other hand do not care about the “presentation” of Tuesday night dinner and don’t care to get lectured on my “mincing” skills. So since I’m doing help to prep dinner AND getting treated badly during that process, AND cleaning the kitchen after, I end up feeling it’s not quite equal.
I recognize that I’m like a 3rd roommate so I do what I can to pitch in for them. I do all of the dishes in this household, including his roommates. I buy them cleaning stuff, gallons of water, run little errands. Try to do tidying up around the house where I can.
Meanwhile, my bf can be a bit demanding. He works a stressful job 50 hours a week that pays him quite well, but based on production. He spends a good deal of time stressing out about work. When he gets home, he expects me to do a lot for him. We will be sitting next to each other on the couch and he will ask me to go get him a drink, load his laundry into the wash, give him massages, or feed/let out the dogs, etc etc. I usually do these things, though sometimes I deny him and playfully say something along the lines of “you have arms and legs why can’t you?” He takes this well mostly, but occasionally gets upset.
Two nights ago we got into it because I loaded up the sink with dirty dishes and promised I’d do them tomorrow. He wiped down counters and was pissed that I’m “not cleaning enough”. Last night we got into it because we were both sitting on the bed, and he asked me to put his laundry in the basket and I declined. He said that I should want to do these things for him since he lets me stay here all the time, and he takes me out to eat several times a week. He’s brought up this same argument that because he pays for more of our dates I should do more for him, and it just seems manipulative to me? I already do quite a bit of housework, I give him frequent massages, I let him do certain sex acts that I don’t love from time to time just to make him happy lol (btw he only cares to get me off the way I like 30% of the time)
The thing is, I also work a stressful job 45 hours a week, though get paid like 1/3 what he makes. It’s not like I’m a stay at home girlfriend, and I pay for a date once every couple weeks. I make a point to express gratitude every time he treats me to a meal or drink out. AND he’s the one who pushes to do these things, I let him know I’m fine to eat at home or do free stuff like go to the park. He just likes to go out.
So on top of taking care of his place, I also have to take care of my own. I only spend one MAYBE two nights a week there, though I try to get my time in dropping by a couple hours here and there during the week. Majority of my time spent at my own place consists of doing the weekly chores. It’s difficult to live in these two spaces, I basically have a closet in my car.
I’ve suggested I cut way back on time spent at his place as a solution to our problem, like down to 3 nights a week, but I will miss him dearly if I’m being truthful. I also think it would be easier if we just lived together, but he’s expressed he’s not ready for that step yet.
Sorry for the rant. I guess I’m just asking for any possible solutions or insights about this situation. And please tell me if you think I’m the one being unreasonable too, I want to understand his perspective too.
TL;DR issues with division of labor, finances, both feeling under appreciated
Submitted October 31, 2018 at 04:37AM by badbadgood1234 https://ift.tt/2JqUVgq
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