Basically, I'm unhappy in my relationship with my SO of 3 years (30yo/31SO) with whom I'm living together because I don't feel respected or heard anymore. I love her dearly and see myself living with her in the foreseeable future but in the last couple of months I've noticed myself grow more and more frustrated with myself, with her and everything in general and I want to change that by not breaking up, as I've said, I love her and I firstly want to be 100% sure I gave everything I had to make this relationship work.
We moved in together at the beginning of this year and I think this has become our baseline; basically she's changed a couple of jobs which I know was stressful and has finally settled into a long term position but I thought that the majority of her dissatisfaction stemmed from being stressed with work. But she was taking it out on me a lot, couple that with lack of emotional and physical intimacy and it really started to show.
Generally, it's a lot of small things, small issues that on their own wouldn't bother me at all but when they become a constant I started to feel like sh*t. I feel like she constantly criticizes me, for the smallest of things, jumps to conclusions about something usually not being done, or being my fault and becomes really defensive when I try to talk to her about it.
I'm not a clingy, needy person per se, always prided myself on being independent and I really like to communicate; I could talk for hours on end about basically anything and have tried and still do, to talk to her, to voice my concerns and issues but she starts to get defensive or evasive, saying that she's busy now, or railroads the issue so it becomes my fault.
I've come to the conclusion that everything is my fault, yup. Whatever's wrong it's my fault, and when confronted with that she says that that's her way of saying things, that it's not meant as a criticism or whatever, or that I always have an issue with something and that I pester her constantly. But yeah, takes two to tango and I really try my damn hardest but I feel sometimes that all I'm trying to do is make her feel good while neglecting myself and my own emotions. Recently I've lost my job and have fell on a part time gig and I don't really feel heard about that. Feel really alone most of the time.
I feel like I'm being taken for granted while I at least try to really take care of her needs. Make space for her interests, emotions, needs, whatever. This is taking a toll on me and I've also become more and more rude and angry and I understand that's because I don't feel heard.
She prioritizes everything and everybody over me, don't remember last time we had sex to be honest. I casually asked today she told me "you'll get it once you stop asking for it." which makes it sound like I'm some kind of a needy creeper who's constantly asking for some which isn't the case. I realized I feel like sh*t for having needs, emotional and physical, like she makes me feel bad for wanting to be heard, wanting to spend time together, wanting to voice my concerns and not get belittled or shrugged off for doing so.
And it's not always like this, when things are good they're really good. And I don't expect beds of roses everyday but this has gone on for a bit longer than is my taste and is starting to bring me down.
Yeah, this is a jumbled mess of a post but I appreciate reading it. I can elaborate on specific points and such, didn't want to now since this is long as is. But yeah, I'd appreciate some opinions and suggestions on how to proceed.
She's important and I want to make it work. Or at least try.
TLDR:
Girlfriend is unconcerned with my emotional and physical needs, generally dismissive, which in turn makes me feel disconnected and lonely. Difficult to talk to, she's being evasive and defensive.
I don't want to break up.
How to proceed?
Submitted October 29, 2018 at 05:58AM by aiwass19 https://ift.tt/2SsS0rJ
No comments:
Post a Comment