I have never really dated outside of my comfort zone, I've always dated guys who are like me: mixed heritage, lower (emphasis on the lower) middle class and semi-urban. Most of my exes were good guys - working class guys who aren't involved in anything. Just normal people. Then through a weird set of events I'm dating the opposite of my. Exceedingly wealthy, white, hyper educated and connected. It's been super stressful at times and I'm not sure if this will work long term and I really need advice on what to do. If this is a self confidence issue? Is it a me issue? How do I do this?
For almost 6 months I have been dating a guy whose father would ring bells for a lot of people. He's got many brothers & sister and grew up in the New York area. BF went to prestigious academies in Connecticut then ivy league schools then ivy league graduate schools and now works for his dad's business. We met at a bar where he frequents and I used to work. We just sort of hit it off and started dating. When I started dating him I had no idea who his parents are and I had no idea what they did or owned. I'm the complete opposite. My colombian dad was a car mechanic and my mixed mom did odd jobs to bring in extra cash and looked after me and my brother. We lived in a decent apartment and my family is very close. Truthfully, I never graduated HS (got my GED) and work full time at a number of different jobs. I'd like to go to school, maybe become a dental hygienist.
My BF is a really nice guy but... "doesn't get it..... he will do things without thinking that make me feel really bad. I've been very clear that when we do things I'd like to contribute 50/50 to make it fair. But, he'll book things that seem okay for him forgetting that I can't pay. Sometimes its way too extravagant. A couple of weeks ago he joked that it'd be funny to go to Canada. I told him I didn't have a passport nor the money. He said very flatly "you don't have a passport?" Like, no, when would I have the $ to travel?!
I got one and to "try it out" he suggested we do a long weekend in London. He books tickets (knowing I can't afford them) and immediately buys first class tickets. When I told him they were FAR beyond my means he kind of shrugged and said "oh well! now they're booked." I haven't paid for my ticket, I can't afford. I went to the bank to exchange some money and my spending money is about 40 pounds. I'm flying on a flight I can't afford, staying in a place I can't afford with no spending money, meaning I either go light or he pays for everything.
He has no qualms about paying. Money doesn't mean a lot to him. It's just that he throws it around and doesn't think about how anyone might feel. When I bring it up to him, he downplays it, says it's "no big deal" and he doesn't want to worry about it. Like I'm caught between two extremes. I'm going to England and leaving the country for the first time and it's going to be awesome. But, it's because he booked things I can't afford.
Is this sustainable longterm as a relationship or is this doomed? Can people of extreme differences in background work and compromise on this? I feel bad for being so salty about this.
tl;dr BF thinks nothing of spending thousands of dollars where as I have a budget of $20/week for entertainment. I get frustrated with him for not seeing it from my perspective despite being way too generous. I feel bad. Is this workable?
Submitted October 29, 2018 at 08:51AM by WhiskyTangoThrowaway https://ift.tt/2zbD6gB
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