Me [23F] with my boyfriend [26M] of two years, his inability to take criticism is affecting our relationship

Apologies if this post is a bit all over the place; I'm still a bit upset.

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So, as the title would suggest, my boyfriend's attitude towards and inability to take criticism is driving me up the wall. He has this philosophy that no person should ever criticise anyone for anything, point blank, very few exceptions, because it's damaging to the other person's confidence and never works anyway. He never criticises anyone, and in turn expects that nobody should criticise him. This includes in the working world, in friendships, and at home - which is where the problem lies for me.

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Now, I'm not saying that I want the ability to berate him or criticise him for stupid stuff. In a way, I get where he's coming from - coming from a hyper-critical family, I know how damaging it can be (yay, years of therapy). However, it also means that if he does anything that annoys me or adversely affects me, it's very hard to bring it up, because he just can't deal with it. The arguments always follow the same pattern - I try to bring something up gently, he immediately gets defensive, and he tells me something along the lines of "I never criticise you or point out when you do something annoying. Why are you doing it to me/trying to change me?" Thing is, I wouldn't mind if he *did* criticise me when I annoyed him. I try to be a considerate and kind person and would happily address any annoyances he had, but he never tells me about them, then tries to use that as leverage against me. Because he keeps quiet about things that annoy him, I'm expected to do the same, but I can't really live like that.

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For context, the most recent argument where this happened - today - was because he walks with a heavy gait and his stomping often wakes me up. I asked him if he could please try to walk a little bit more quietly, because it's genuinely affecting my sleep quality. We had the same argument spiral as ever. He's agreed to try and work on it, but he's not happy about being asked to change it. He seems to take everything as a personal attack and has a "I think you're perfect, why do you want to change me?" mindset still.

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It's just so upsetting and frustrating for me because I feel like he doesn't care that he's doing things that upset me. Like, he hides behind this "nobody should ever criticise anyone" philosophy and uses it to justify ignoring my concerns, because I shouldn't be bringing them up in the first place in his eyes. I know it's probably all rooted in his low self esteem and history of being bullied. I sympathise, I really do. But just because he's been unfairly picked on and criticised in the past doesn't mean he can ignore valid criticisms now. How do I get him to understand that? Or am I just being a nag who needs to shut up? (My words, not his)

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tldr: Boyfriend won't take criticism in any form, and it means we can never solve relationship issues. How can I address this/am I justified in being annoyed and upset by this attitude?

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(Edited for spelling mistakes, getting the order of "tldr" wrong lol)

Submitted October 29, 2018 at 02:57AM by thrownaway67569 https://ift.tt/2yGQ6LY