I don’t really know what to think. My boyfriend and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary this past July. We have been in a closed relationship and lived together for 2 years now. And I just found out that over four years ago I took his virginity.
We started dating when we were 19. Ever since we’ve been together he’s been very defensive and secretive regarding past hookups, so I didn’t bring it up often. He always said he would tell me someday eventually. I respected that and rarely talked to him about it.
We went to the same middle and high school together (but ran in different friend groups) so I know his first kiss story and played volleyball with the girl it was with. I also sat at a lunch table with a girl he went on 2 dates with when we were 17 or so.
I’ve never felt that I came across as jealous about them in the slightest, I mean I had never even held a conversation with him back then, and they’re pretty cool girls. Honestly I was starting to get paranoid that he had lost it to a close friend of mine in our current group or something and that’s why he was hiding it. I even actually started to get worried that it was something traumatizing.
He always said he had slept with 3 (or 4 girls, I think he couldn’t keep track of his past lies on how many girls, so the number changed) before me and lost his virginity to a family friend in a different city. However recently I found out from his brother that they had never been to that city during a casual conversation. So that confused me, as well as other holes in a lot of his stories about past relationship or encounters.
So yeah, I asked him outright. I wanted know if I have been lied to for nearly half a decade. He finally just told me 30 minutes ago that he lost it to me.
If I’m going to be honest I’m a little upset. We have been together so long! And all those little lies and stories he told me just aren’t true. It makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me or think I would judge him. I love him so much and would never judge over that. He has nothing to be embarrassed at, this information will forever be between him and me, and I have told him so many times how I regret losing my virginity too early and with someone I wasn’t even close with, and I was a week before turning 18 when I lost mine.
And it especially hurts that he continued a series of lies for so many years. I have always valued openness and honesty in all my relationships including friendships.
I’m trying to empathize and keep in mind he might have felt embarrassed about this, but it sucks that he just didn’t trust me after ALL THIS TIME.
I feel hurt and a slight loss of trust over this, and I feel guilty for feeling upset because it’s clear this is something that makes him feel insecure.
How do I approach this conversation with him without coming across as shaming him?
How do I make him feel better and not embarrassed while also expressing that I feel betrayed by his lies?
How can I not take this personally and move past this?
TL;DR After dating for 4 years I found out that my bf has lied and created stories about past sexual experiences and that I not only took his virginity but I have been his only partner, and I feel betrayed by his deceit.
Submitted August 24, 2021 at 02:37AM by itsnotspicy https://ift.tt/3ze7F33
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