My (25m) gf (22f) of 1.5 yrs wants to take a break because my depression is affecting her and she feels no sexual attraction towards me

We became very good friends 5 months before we entered into the relationship. We used to talk a lot about different topics that we shared interest in. I also shared with her about the mental health struggles I was facing as I wanted her to know everything about me before she said yes to the relationship.

Just a month after we got together the COVID-19 lockdown started. Even though we live in the same town we couldn't see each other much, parents are conservative so had to hide the relationship. At that point I did not know my depression would continue to worsen. Early on in the relationship I had my first few episodes of double depression (it's when an overlap of major depression on existing dysthymia occurs). After that I suggested to her that I will not talk to her about the effects of depression fearing that it would burden her. But she insisted that I share coz she didn't want me to feel alone.

I tried my best to be a good partner, support her in her endeavours, be there for her when needed. But when the depressive episodes set in I sought her for comfort, became increasingly dependant on her to just help me pull through. I always thought it was unreasonable of me to depend on her but she kept insisting it was fine, that it's not a burden.

We had decided we wanted to marry after we both get jobs, for which we had to pass competitive exams. The exams are for top level government jobs in India and are very difficult. It takes a lot of hard work, sacrifice, dedication, and determination.

We have had multiple fights during this period mostly about how she was rushing me to get better, take steps for improving. I've been on medication for a year, been doing meditation regularly, will be starting therapy next month. But none of the fights got ugly..and things would normalise quickly between us. We even decided to have minimal communication so that she can focus entirely on her studies.

She has been having trouble reciprocating to the affection I show her for a long time now, and she also stopped feeling sexual attraction towards me. I had thought maybe the stress to prepare for the exam was affecting the libido. Yesterday all of a sudden she says she feels like a 'cheap therapist' and not a girlfriend. And also like a mom who has to take care of me.

She also said that she feels sad when my depressive episodes set in, when she can't help me. That it affects her studies. And to stay focused, it would be wise if we took a break until both of us get those government jobs. I agreed to it because I don't want to restrain her growth

Now it could take one or two years before we are employed. And if she wants to take a break until then.. I'm thinking it effectively means this is the end of us.

Am I overthinking? Or is it really the end? I have truly loved her and to think it's ending is killing me. I know for sure my depression is only going to get worse from here

TL;DR : Gf of 1.5 years wants to take a break, because my depression is affecting her, she feels no sexual attraction towards me, me offering support and loving her and accepting to keep limited contact hasn't helped her, is this the end?

Submitted August 27, 2021 at 09:50PM by phoenickhs https://ift.tt/3sViLb9