I am 22 (soon to be 23) female [22 f] from Cali and have felt tremendous pressure from my parents for marriage. I am born and raised in Cali and have spent my entire life here. I grew up with the norms here and don't agree with a lot of aspects of traditional aspects of my culture. My plans had always been to finish my degree, get started on my career, fall in love and have everything fall into place on its own. This had been happening for me: I met a great guy through friends and we hit it off really well, I graduated with my degree, started a new job, etc. and had a future I was really looking forward to for myself. However, my parents are well-connected and have been approached by families looking to set up a marriage proposal for me. I have made it very clear that this is not something I want and this has resulted in very serious fights with my parents. Some of the approaching families are very influential/powerful and my parents believe it to be in my best interest to get married as they believe my life will have the best prospects here. These families are extremely well-off where even my grandchildren would be set for life because of the amount of wealth these families have. It does not appear that these families would be controlling or the horror type of in-laws some people have. There is not dowry or anything of the sorts here either. However, this just isn't enough for me and I just cant bring myself to get married to someone I don't want to be married to.
Marriage had never been a huge topic in my household before this - I am the oldest child and all my cousins have had a mix of love and arranged (consenting) marriages. My parents do not understand why getting married would be an issue for me and will not drop it. It has become very destructive and has pretty much ruined my relationship with them. I have cried, stopped eating, threatened to leave, stopped speaking with them, etc but to no difference in their positions. Me and my bf had been together for some time but were not ready for that step yet being both young and also just getting started with our professional careers and have now broken up as this all too much. I am not ready to be married and think of myself too young for that. I have thought about actually leaving as I would be able to support myself but cannot bring myself to do that - maybe I'm weak but I just cant leave my family. After everything, they still mean the most to me. I know that if I leave, it means severing all ties and that they would never acknowledge me as their daughter again nor would they ever speak to me again. I am not ready for that as I know they think they are looking out for my best interests but they just aren't ok with me not getting married to one of these proposals. My life has been a bit of a whirlwind having lost some of my closest relationships and I have never felt more alone or hurt. To try and compromise, Ive met with some of the potential partners and have found that they really aren't my type and we really just don't have a spark or connection in any way. I definitely cannot see myself married to one of them. I explained this to my parents but they went the traditional indian parent route saying it takes time to mix and in time I will be fine. I don't want to "learn how to be fine" with a person I will marry. I am really lost at this point and just don't know what to do.
**tl;dr**: Basically got some rich proposals, don't think I'm ready for marriage, my parents really want me married to these proposals and I am pretty much losing my entire family over this.
Submitted August 26, 2021 at 02:37AM by Big_Peace_5000 https://ift.tt/3BjuKlN
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