How do I(22F) deal with my boyfriend (19m) lusting over girls our whole relationship the past two years?

This may be long but please bare with me I’m not really sure what else to do.

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. In my opinion those first few months were really good. We did make the mistake of moving in together fairly early on and with us being so young that could be part of the problem.

Anyway about a year ago he was having severe problems with porn, we had discussed that that wasn’t something either of us wanted in our relationship especially because it did make me insecure but he would sneakily do it in the shower and almost any time he was alone and I believe it started to affect our sex life because around that time is when I noticed that I was always the one to initiate sex, be the main person guiding the sex, and so on.

So the last time I caught him watching porn we almost separated but he swore he would stop and he explained to me that he has had a problem with porn and watched it every day since he was 12 and he is 19 now.

Anyway he said he would quit and I explained to him the boringness of our sex life and how I felt I wasn’t being fulfilled and we agreed to w ork on that too. However it was mainly me working on it. He has always had problems being dominant and that is what I like especially in the bedroom.

I kept trying but with no success there were definitely a few good times of sex but not many so eventually I gave up too and now we only have sex when we feel like we NEED to and almost all the passion and sexual tension has left even when I would try and spice things up.

Anyway about 6 months ago he had admitted that in the beginning of our relationship he had slept with another girl couple times and he blamed it on being on pills at the time but he did admit when it happened multiple times that it was just him wanting to do it. He told me he admitted to this because if we were to be married one day he wouldn’t want any secrets between us.

So since he told me I have been very much more insecure I constantly feel as if he’s checking girls out behind my back, watching porn, messaging girls etc. he has always sworn up and down he never checks girls out around me and has never had coworkers he found attractive even though I knew and yes a part of me cared and didn’t like this but I know that is a part of human nature sometimes. Well anyway the past few months we have been much more stressed out, fighting a lot more, I have felt very lonely even when he is right next to me, our passion and sexual tension is almost completely gone.

We used to be able to have sex multiple rounds and he could last longer now it’s like he’s just trying to cum and be done with it he rarely tried to please me and he says because it’s very hard to make me cum so he’s lost motivation to try since everytime I wouldn’t. Then as of this last week I felt that distance so much more and I knew he was keeping something from me I just wasn’t sure what but I would be feeling just very sad and lonely and he was on his phone way more and so on. It got to the point where I would be crying basically begging him to show me love or just something.

So finally a couple days ago he told me he has been feeling very guilty because he loves me very much and can’t continue to keep secrets from me and so he said he was laying EVERYTHING on the table. He said that he has checked out and fantasized about other girls periodically throughout our relationship, everytime we go out in public he checks out other girls, he had lied to me when I would ask if he was checking out girls, a few girls from his work I asked about specifically and he denied thinking of them in anyway and apparently he had masturbated to the thought of them, he said him and his cousin would constantly be checking out other girls at work and talking about them.

He said that even a year ago at his old job he would see girls come into the store and then go masturbate in the work bathrooms to the thought of them, and just so many other things and as of lately every said he’s also felt this distance and he said he did cut out porn but he has been masturbating alot when I’m gone thinking of some of his ex girlfriends and old flings and he even would go to my own Facebook profile to look at the girls on my friends list to check them out and “see if he felt anything”.

Honestly being told all of this was very overwhelming and hurt me very badly because he had been lying about some of these things our whole relationship and I had even asked him about these specific things and he chose to lie then instead of telling the truth. He said that he has always had problems with wanting multiple types of women and he thinks it’s because of his long time use of porn. But he said that more recently he had been thinking of his exes sexually and those other girls because he was trying to see if he felt something for them he didn’t feel for me because like I said we lost passion and a lot of me thinks that his constant masturbation and fantasies have been contributing to our loss of sex drive because I have always been a very sexual person and so I constantly made effort until recently.

Basically I just don’t know what to do. I was already insecure and now I can’t stop comparing myself to all of these girls because they are skinny and cute and I am thicker and I just feel very badly about myself. He said it had nothing to do with me just the loss of passion but other than that he still thinks I’m the most beautiful and have a sexy body and he loves me and wants to seek help for why he has had these problems and he doesn’t want to lose me.

But he has lied comfortably our whole relationship so what if he’s lying again? Before him I was super confident and empowered but after Everything our whole relationship I feel like an insecure ugly mess. How am I supposed to feel secure thinking he’s fantasizing of other girls while im right there? Especially his exes like does he think they’re better? Does he still have feelings for them? Please give me any insight or advice or ANYTHING. Please I am at a very low point

TLDR: Basically he says he wants to change just after everything I am very insecure and not sure if I can believe him like how am I supposed to deal w all this?

Submitted August 30, 2021 at 06:08PM by ravenrose__ https://ift.tt/3DC7t0q