My mum (F, 58) is friends with a woman, let’s call her Rachael (F, 56). They went to uni together and are now in their fifties. They’ve probably known each other for 35+ years. Rachael is bipolar, which we have known for quite some time. It’s never really been an issue (in terms of her friendship with my mum and our family) at all. Sometimes there are periods (a few months maybe) when she won’t text my mum to say hi, but there has always been scattered contact via Instagram, Facebook comments etc.
I (F, 27) am friends with Rachael’s daughter, let’s call her Vivienne (F, 28). I’ve been friends with her since I was born, and we became friends in our own right (i.e., not just catching up with our families) when we were about 19. As far as I’m aware Vivienne doesn’t have bipolar, but like Rachael she can be somewhat aloof. We’re not big on texting, but would frequently reply to each other’s Instagram stories and comment on posts. We typically catch up in person about four times a year and it’s always like nothing has changed.
I visited my mum recently and she mentioned that she’d been unable to get into contact with Rachael recently. Rachael is an artist, and my mum bought a painting from her around March last year. She mentioned that she hasn’t been able to pick up the painting yet. [Aside: The painting probably cost about AU$400. My mum has always supported Rachael by buying her work, and $400 isn’t an amount that she would harass someone over.] She hadn’t been too concerned about it at first, as we’ve been in ongoing lockdowns due to covid, and as mentioned above Rachael can typically be a bit hard to contact. I agreed that this was strange, and mentioned that I have been struggling to get in contact with Vivienne. My mum agreed that it was unusual. Mum made a comment to me that was a bit strange: she mentioned that Rachael has previously been a bit evasive about giving mum her phone number. At one point she gave her partner’s number (let’s call him David: M, 56) instead of her own.
A few days later I messaged Vivienne on Facebook to say hi and that I hoped she and her family were doing okay. I checked back on the message last night, only to see that she has blocked me on Facebook. It can see that she has seen the message. I thought maybe she had deactivated her Facebook account, so I checked her Instagram. I realised that she has also blocked me there. She has a few accounts - I’m blocked from all of them. Her sister (let’s say Charlotte: F, 24) and her mum, Rachael, have also blocked me. I spoke with my partner (F, 26) because I was starting to freak out, and my partner confirmed that she’s also been blocked on all platforms by both Vivienne and Charlotte (she wasn’t following Rachael, so she hasn’t been blocked by her).
I texted my mum and brother (M, 24) last night because I was starting to really worry. [Aside: My dad doesn’t have Instagram or use Facebook so I didn’t message him about it. In any case, my mum has updated him now.] My mum texted me back this morning to let me know that she’s also been blocked from Rachael and Vivienne’s accounts on Facebook and Instagram. I called her straight away and when she picked up the phone I could tell she was really upset. She is completely at a loss about the whole situation, and has no idea what could have prompted this. After 35+ years of friendship, it just makes no sense to be blocked on all platforms with no warning. We both had a chat and really couldn’t think of any awkward moment, overly political conversations… literally any catalyst that could have possibly prompted this. One thing that Mum did mention - that I think is important to note - is that Rachael has progressively been shutting out her family members over the past ten(ish) years. She is no longer in contact with her parents or her brothers.
My brother also got back to me and confirmed that he has been blocked by Rachael, Vivienne and Charlotte on all platforms. He doesn’t really keep in contact with them one on one, so I’m not surprised that he didn’t notice before now.
We both did some digging to figure out the last contact we had with each of them:
I last saw Vivienne in mid-November last year. She messaged me on Facebook after we’d seen each other to say how lovely it was to see me. I reached out later in the month because she was searching for a new housemate. She told me she found someone, and that they were relieved it was someone nice. I messaged her to say happy birthday (no response but she ‘loved’ the message) in late December, then again a few days later to ask if she wanted to catch up. She suggested a later date in early Jan, which we locked in. I messaged her the day before to confirm and she gave me a long winded response as to why she had to cancel. I didn’t really think much of it because she can be a bit like that, and there was nothing unusual about the tone of her message. I texted her a few weeks later (late Jan) asking if she wanted to get a drink that arvo. She gave me a long response to say no, but the tone was positive and normal, asking questions etc. I messaged her again in mid-March to ask if she wanted to catch up that week. She suggested a period in April, but I was going to be away so I nominated another date. She didn’t respond to that message. I then texted her in May (hi, how are you, been a while, etc.), but had no response. The most recent message I sent her was the one I sent a few days ago.
The most recent correspondence Mum has had from Rachael is a letter Rachael sent to her last year. It seemed lovely and normal, providing updates on her daughters and mentioning that she has to give her the painting. Mum confirmed that she last texted Rachael about a month ago, but she’s now unable to see the message. This seems kind of strange - I haven’t heard of text messages disappearing when you’ve been blocked by someone. Rachael never responded to the message.
We are both at a complete loss and unable to understand why this has happened. It’s even more difficult because we have no real mutual friends who we can reach out to about this. Any advice is greatly appreciated. I can clarify or provide further details in the comments.
TLDR: My mum’s friend and her daughters have completely shut our family out of their lives. We have literally no idea what the catalyst was. They have been friends for 35+ years.
Submitted August 29, 2021 at 11:47PM by double-brie https://ift.tt/3gI4MAA
No comments:
Post a Comment