Please indulge my weird question. I [42F] grew up in a family that was very inhibited about bodily functions. Nobody ever burped aloud, let alone passed gas. Then I married a guy who was unusually uninhibited in that regard and had no compunctions about just going ahead and farting in situations that 99% of people would not. (Yeah, that was a ton of fun.) We were married for a long time, and even though I was never anywhere near as freewheeling as he was, I’d still pass gas around him sometimes, pee with the bathroom door open, etc. It’s a marriage, right? That’s all normal.
Then he left me. Now I’ve been with a different guy for four years [42M], and we’re engaged. We don’t live together yet. This guy is far less uncouth than my ex, but he has a wonderfully laid-back attitude about human bodies: they’re gross, so what? You’re not going to offend me—just relax! Except—I can’t.
I feel like I have no idea what level of “uninhibited” is normal in a partnership. I’m hung up on the fact that obviously, for my ex, the magic died after a while, and I don’t want that to happen in this relationship. I definitely don’t pee with the door open, and I joke that butts on girls are purely decorative. I don’t even sleep over with him when I have my period—even though we’ll be living together in the near future.
I am not a vain person—I never wear makeup, and I’m in yoga pants most of the time—but I have this idea that if I relax around him and, you know, act like a normal human being, he’ll start seeing me as unappealing, just like my ex did (except my ex leaving had nothing to do with bodily stuff—he just got tired of me/found someone he liked better on the internet).
So my question is: what is a normal level of bodily-function grossness when you’re living with another person? At what point do men (I realize there will be quite a range here) actually start to think, “ugh, I’ve seen too much, this person isn’t sexy anymore”?
tl;dr: After being in a marriage that ended, I can’t figure out what’s a normal level of inhibition about bodily functions in a relationship.
Submitted August 30, 2021 at 06:07PM by misuzu1519 https://ift.tt/3t2PBH1
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