This came to a head yesterday while packing for a trip, but happens often. I do a task and he either has feedback on how it could be completed differently, or comes behind me and re-does what I have done. For example: loading the dishwasher, packing camping utensils, etc. At times this is coupled with annoyance that it is not done "correctly" or with sufficient attention to detail (in his view). At other times he just does this silently and without comment.
He also adds steps to what I was planning on doing: for example, I am cutting beans for a snack and he asks me to also cut carrots and cukes. I am going to the grocery store and he also asks me to stop for beer. I am going to the kitchen and he asks me to get him something or put something away. I am getting stuff out of a closet to pack and tells me to get it all out instead of just what we need. If I tell him I am doing it my way, he says it was a suggestion and not a demand and I don't have to do what he says.
I dont know how to tell him that at times this is tiring as I only wanted to do the one task or errand and resent being given jobs beyond it.
At times I feel like I can't just do a errand or task my own way without him wanting to change or add some thing to it in the name of efficiency.
I recognize at times his way is better or more efficient but I am an adult and don't like being micromanaged. At times I just want to do things my way without being given unsolicited feedback whatsoever. I also find that I am starting to feel negatively about myself because I feel like the way I do things like chores is not good enough for him. I also feel taken for granted because instead of being grateful he has feedback and "shoulds".
This dynamic may be exacerbated by the fact that he is a manager at his workplace and owned the house before we moved in together. As a result he is a) used to telling others what to do and b) has systems in place already in our home.
I have a hard time taking criticism and grew up in an abusive home, as did he.
In general our relationship is fun, respectful and loving. I adore him and admire his competence but do not feel at all that he admires mine. I am looking for suggestions on how to handle his comments and occasional annoyance with me. He is also apologetic and open to feedback.
Tldr: partner has a correct or more efficient way to do things a lot of the time and I feel defensive and criticized.
Submitted August 28, 2021 at 11:57PM by leavesaresobeautiful https://ift.tt/2WEqhv0
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