Hi, so I (23f) and my bf(23m) have been dating for just a little over one year. It’s been really great for the most part, aside from some nasty arguments. The issue though happened yesterday when he asked if we could have an open relationship. He asked me early on in the relationship and I said no. But now, over a year later him asking me that really stung and hurt me. I asked why, and he said he thought our sex was “boring” and he’s been “doing all the work and it’s annoying”.
I’ve been going through a depressive episode (he knows this) so my sex drive has been super low so I understand it hasn’t been the best, and I haven’t been putting in as much effort as I could, but with a low sex drive I find it hard to initiate and want to fuck. Him asking me that caused my insecurities to flare even more and I’ve been in a weird downwards spiral since then. I cried and told him when he initially asked that I needed to process it and think about it even though I know the answer would be no. I cried a lot and poured out my insecurities to him about it and he said he wouldn’t do it because he doesn’t want to hurt me, but he “still wants to so please think about it.”
He asked me today, it wasn’t even 24 hours so I’m not sure what he thought “giving time to process” meant.
I tried to think about it and wrote out a terms and agreement even, but writing that made me even more angry and sad and I just cried and came to the conclusion it’s an even harder no.
I really don’t want to have an open relationship though. I don’t wanna “share” him with another girl it makes me equally pissed and sad just thinking about it. I don’t care if he has girls as friends but sexually I’m not okay at all.
I don’t know what to do. I really love him and I know he really loves me, but at the same time I’m not sure now. I worried he’ll find someone else and leave me. If he finds someone better (which wouldn’t be hard at the rate I’m going at) I don’t want to be the person he fucks just cause I’m there. I don’t want to feel like I’m in a competition every time.
I told him all of this and he told me I just needed to trust him and gain more confidence in myself. He also said he isn’t comfortable with the idea of me sucking another man off but he knew he couldn’t be mad if I did (he said he wouldn’t eat another girl out). That really set me off but that’s not important to this text).
I feel really bad and guilty even though I know I shouldn’t, because I don’t want him to start resenting me for the decision, but I also don’t want to start resenting him for fucking other girls.
I also have this paranoia that he already found someone and is just asking for the go ahead. My friend thinks this could possibly be the case too. He’s been secretive with his phone and I’m not someone who would go through his phone cause I respect privacy but now I really wanna know if he is talking to someone.
Sorry for the rambling but any advice, Thoughts on the situation, or help on what to say/how to go about it next time would be appreciated. It’s a lot deeper than this so I can answer more specific questions if you want
Tl:dr boyfriend wants and is pressing on an open relationship and I don’t and I don’t know what to think about it
Submitted August 31, 2021 at 03:54AM by rocksonthewater https://ift.tt/2WEfqkm
No comments:
Post a Comment