I (27M) am away on a work trip and need to break up with my very attached girlfriend (26F) of 9 months when I get back.

I've been away for a month and a half; she wants to talk every day, and I'm realizing that I don't. I'm not looking forward to returning, mainly because she needs my constant attention and I've always been a pretty independent person with a need for time to myself. She also has issues with emotional control; I feel like I'm her only support pillar most of the time, as though her emotional control center lives outside her brain and its name is me.

She's been crying most days over the simple fact that I'm away for six weeks, sometimes breaking down at the end of our phone calls. I, meanwhile, thrive on personal freedom and lots of solitude. I can't handle this level of dependence. It took a huge leap of faith for me to give up the single life and try dating in the first place. She's a great person overall - lots of shared interests and a good moral compass, to start - but it's clear to me at this point that it's not going to work.

So, the problem at hand: I can't break up with her over the phone before I return, because 1) there'll be a meltdown, things may get broken (most likely her own stuff, I don't think she'd ruin my things), 2) we have housemates and I can't put this on them while I'm away, and 3) she doesn't deserve a remote breakup.

At the same time, I can't come back and deal with her ecstatic overjoyed kisses knowing what's going to happen, and I also don't feel that I can interrupt them with a surprise breakup talk at the moment I come back. So I feel like I've got to find a kind way to clue her in ahead of time that something is wrong, but without completely giving it away.

Any idea what I can do or say to accomplish this, as kindly as practically possible? Or any thoughts on other approaches I could or should take?

TL;DR: Need a (hopefully kind) way to set the stage now for a breakup with my girlfriend upon return from my work trip.

Submitted August 28, 2021 at 12:34PM by LuminosityXVII https://ift.tt/3BnfVi8