I have been struggling with this for a month. Here is some context, I have been with my fiance since I was 17 and we got engaged when I was 23. We have not started planning for the wedding or talked about it really since the engagement until recently when these problems started. The problems started on my part mostly or because of my unhappiness.
I emotionally cheated it didn't happen for long around 4 days and I came clean and stopped talking to the guy. I sat down with my fiance and had a serious conversation about why I think I did this and where we go from here. Ultimately after talking to my friends, I took their advice, and my fiance and I are on a break. I am staying with my parents for an unknown period of time with little to no contact.
In the 8 years, we have been together we have had these problems that keep occurring and causing fights. My fiance is a great man who loves me to death would do anything for me but give me space when I want it. I feel suffocated I honestly always have, he has no real-life friends only gaming buddies which are both of our friends because we game together. We have to do everything together and the pandemic has made it worse. He, unfortunately, lost his job and I have been trying to study for an important exam to get my pharmacist license. He keeps distracting me because he wants to watch movies or play video games together and when I decline he starts to make me feel guilty. I have friends I go visit and I have a different group of online friends that are just mine and whenever I go to spend time with them he always gets super depressed and feels neglected.
This has always been a problem but it was manageable to me I guess in college because we were long distance and I could go out with my friends without guilt. Now I have moved away from my friends to be with him and what my friends warned me about happened, I was isolated from other people. He has made me everything he has, I am his best friend (really his only IRL friend), his support system, his only happiness. He has had no one to talk to about our relationship but me, until recently when I forced him to talk to other people. Mutual online friends, family, just anyone to get advice outside of me. I have brought up these problems many many times in worry for our relationship and even told him I felt suffocated. It has become known to my friends and I as the cycle, where I deal with it for a long period of time than snap. He fixes it for a little bit I believe he has made changes then it reverts back and the cycle starts over.
On this break, we are allowed to talk to other people and he is really only meant to contact me in regards to our cats. It hasn't gone well the first three days I was with my friends and he kept contacting them asking them for advice (these are not mutual friends these are my best friends from college) and about me wanting to talk. When I went to my parents he got a little better less contact but I made a mistake I called him on his birthday because I felt so guilty not being there for him. I believe this made him think it's ok to contact me and he wants to talk about our relationship more now. I have been honest with him telling him I am talking to someone else, he wants to make it work even after all the bad things I have done to him. I honestly think he is the sweetest most caring guy but I feel like he is better for someone else that deserves his love. I believe he deserves someone that is 100% all about him like he would be about them and I think I need someone that knows when to give me my space and be my own person.
We have made a promise that if I am going to go meet anyone in person that I will break it off before doing so, which I planned to anyways if I was ever going to do that. I am unsure if I wanna make it work and potentially go through the cycle again but later in life when we are married and have children or just break it off now and explore other people or just be by myself for a while being me. I love him and he will always be a big part of my life and have a big piece of my heart but I am just so confused about what to do.
Tl;dr My fiance has made me his everything and is suffocating me, I have no free time of my own. This has always been a problem but the pandemic has made it worse. We are currently on a break and I am talking to other people. Should I make it work with him, explore my other options, or just be by myself for a while?
Submitted August 27, 2021 at 02:19AM by TinyFoxe https://ift.tt/2Wv4Tsc
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