I need to have a conversation with my partner and I’m struggling to explain my thoughts. I’m not trying to give ultimatums or make them feel bad.
We have been together for about 6 years and we are in our early 30’s. We both don’t really have our shit together yet so I kept putting this in the back of my mind.
The main issue is that they put their family up as top priority. I feel as though they put their own things aside in order to take care of family first and always. These are all older but capable adults. I feel like they are taking advantage since my partner never says no. I’m struggling to understand why my partner has a strong need to serve/protect/take care of them all. My partner is the youngest in the family and they have 2 older siblings in their late 40s. Both siblings have their own families with 2-3 kids.
Over the years I’ve seen the toll it has taken on my partner. Unnecessary stress day after day. Having to go on medication. Mood swings and unspoken depression. There were things my partner needed to do but they kept pushing it aside to focus on whatever their family needed done. I’ve tried to gently remind them to do whatever task for themselves first but it goes unheard every time. My partner is like a caretaker for people who don’t appreciate the help but just expect it. Family has never returned the favor.
My partner is always the one watching out for them, handling paperwork, tracking insurances/bills/payments, making sure that this family pays, setting appointments, checking their deadlines, getting roped in watching their kids longer than expected, etc. Their family doesn’t care that my partner has to sacrifice time for such things. I don’t want to go into much detail but it’s even the smallest things that these adults should be able to handle. They just don’t.
I try to think rationally so I’m struggling to come up with the words to make my partner understand. I’ve already gotten explanations that family is important and they would never turn their back on them. This just doesn’t feel right.
I also feel like the relationship hasn’t been moving because of this. It’s at a standstill. There’s always talk of the future but no action. I’ll like to move forward in any direction at this point but their need towards family is holding them back. We don’t live together since my partner wants to be very close to family.
I’ve tried bringing it up and maybe I’m not explaining it well. The most important thing right now is that I want them to become their first priority for a change. Secondary would be the direction of where the relationship is going. It feels like I’m waiting and putting my life on hold. The lack of direction or real plans is starting to make me fall into depression. I don’t think I can sit back and do another year or so of this. I’m still hesitant to even bring it up because their dad got diagnosed with cancer. I’m trying to not be an asshole but this has gone on for so long.
TL;DR:
My partner does everything for their family even sacrificing their own needs. I want them to put themselves as a top priority but they have a strong need to help family. They are constantly stressed and moody. I’ve tried bringing it up but I’m not explaining it well. It’s been like this the whole time we have been together.
What can I say to make them understand that this is not good for them and that they need a life of their own?
Submitted August 26, 2021 at 01:39PM by PuzzleheadedDog1731 https://ift.tt/3kyGryb
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