My ex, let’s call her Ashley, is a great woman. Nothing wrong with her at all, she is extremely kind, attractive, loving, and caring, we had a good relationship for over 2 years, never fought… But she just always had trouble being affectionate and intimate. Typically when it came to anything physical, but also basic affection like giving/receiving compliments, flirting, etc. But she never had a problem saying she loved me and wanted a future with me as her husband.
We would have sex a couple times a week, but eventually she became more closed down to it and anything physical. Would always get awkward when I’d try to have conversations about sex, what I liked or wanted to try, or even asking her what she liked. She’d just get embarrassed and shut down. She even began getting weird where we would barely make out anymore, she would always just give me a peck on the lips and pull away if I tried to keep kissing. Even though we had an otherwise perfect relationship m, I just started to feel like a friend. I let it go for a long time, about a year, but things never got better, even after bringing it up plenty of times.
I do feel like I got to the root of the issue, her love language is certainly not anything physical, and definitely a much lower sex drive than me, and she simply just doesn’t crave it. Also, she grew up religious and with a mom shaming her for ever being around boys, so I feel like she keeps those thoughts in the back of her head. Like I said I just accepted it for a while, but after a year I just couldn’t take the lack of affection, intimacy, and chemistry anymore. Admittedly, I feel like I started to lose feelings for her too. So I broke up with her about 3 months ago.
It broke her heart. I felt like a jerk too. We lived together for 1.5 years so she ended up moving out. I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to go tell her friends and family that I just didn’t want to be with her due to the lack physical love. I feel like she never really listened to me when it came to how important having that physical love was to me, until she realized I was willing to break up with her for it. I feel like she does understand now.
So we’ve continued to talk, and she still wants me more than ever and says she realized her actions and is willing to give me everything I want. But honestly, after feeling like I’ve been friendzoned for over a year, I feel like I did lose a lot of feelings for her. I know I love her, but I just don’t feel that “spark” for her, and not sure if I’m “in love” still. Should I give it another chance? I just feel like I shouldn’t rush back in, because I feel like if I end up breaking up with her again it would really crush her. So I feel like I just need to be 100% sure.
I also might sound like an asshole here, but I did hook up with a couple girls during the time we’ve been broken up, mostly because I just wanted to feel someone having a physical desire for me and crave wanting to have sex with me, which they did. But I really have no feelings for them and want more than “just” sex. It was all safe and fun, and I’ve broken it off with them. I do still love Ashley, but also seeing that other girls willingly desire to give what I’ve been wanting (physical desire, sex, compliments, flirtation, intimacy, chemistry), and had been begging Ashley to do all that for me for so long is kind of tough. And even though it might not seem like it based off how quickly I jumped back in the game, I’m really not interested in continuing with hookups or friends with benefits.
Any advice on what I should do?
TLDR: Broke with my ex due to lack of intimacy and chemistry, she wants me back and promises to change. Not sure if I still have the same feelings, but I still love her. Any advice on what to do?
Submitted August 29, 2021 at 03:20PM by ThrowRA-112233 https://ift.tt/3zv7IHV
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