My biological mother died giving birth to me. When I was four Dad married my step-mum, though I just call her Mum. I love her so much, I've always thought she's amazing and she's a real mum to me. She's super smart and successful and confident and beautiful. I really wanted to be like her when I grow up.
I'm not great in school and I struggle to remember to do chores. I also get distracted really easy and sometimes fight with my brothers and sister. Because of this I've really struggled even though I wanted to do good. My older step brother gets straight As though, and mum is proud of that.
Last night I just couldn't fall sleep. It was really late and I went out to get a drink, but I heard mum and dad arguing. I know it's wrong but they never fight so I listened in. I wish I had never heard anything.
Mum was basically complaining about my grades, that I'm not good enough. Dad told her that I was improving (went from failing to Bs and Cs). She said it wasn't good enough, just look at my brother. Dad essentially said that some kids find it easier, and that I've been trying really hard. And I have, I've been studying and trying to pay attention even when it's boring. I study more than him even though I get worse grades, and it was all because I wanted to be like Mum and meet her standards. She said it wasnt enough, that I should just study even more and that Dad is just being soft on me. Dad got annoyed and said that I'm studying a lot more than my brother, and that a teenager needs some time to relax, but Mum didn't agree. Apparently I shouldn't relax if I'm not doing well enough to 'deserve' it. Mum went on saying I'm a selfish, entitled brat, and that Dad needs to step up and teach me better. She said it's bad enough I suck at school, but I can't even do housework right. She said that their children (my step brother and half siblings) are doing great and well behaved, and its just HIS daughter thats a fuck up. I honestly admired her so much, hearing all this just hurt so so much. Like I loved Dad, and was glad he was proud and defending me, but I really loved her. I consider her my mother, I wanted to be like her, that was a big part of why I've been trying so hard. I know I shouldn't but I just kept listening at the door of their room. Dad got angry and said that Mum is being ridiculous, that I'm improving and doing so much better. That I love her and admire her, and have been doing so much to follow her advice (this is true, I did). That she should be proud of me and love me like he does, especially after raising me. But Mum said that she raised me because she was his daughter, she had to. And that if I really wanted to be successful I would be. That my attitude was the problem, and it's not her fault I want to be like her but won't "put in the effort". I could tell from his voice how much Dad disagreed and that he was angry, but he tried to stop the conversation and said they should discuss it later. She didn't stop and basically said that I'm "lucky" I'm "pretty" because I "won't amount to anything, just like her mother". Dad got pissed at that, but I just went back to bed at that point and don't know how it went.
I didn't wanna hear more, but I think they argued more. Dad was in a bad mood today, though he didn't tell us why. But I think it was the fight. I just cried in my bed. I really wanted to make her proud, to be like her. But I'm just a failure in her eyes, she doesn't even see me as her daughter. I just don't know how she can say these things. She's always been so kind and caring to me, so why? I don't know what to do or what to think, I couldn't even focus on school day despite all my effort. Am I doing something wrong? I honestly have been trying so hard. It's not fair, how can she act all nice and loving to me while she hates me?
TL;dr - I idolised my step mum. She said I wasn't good enough cause of my grades and some bad behaviour. I've been trying to improve but she doesn't see me as a daughter and thinks I'm a failure.
Submitted August 04, 2021 at 06:14AM by ThrowRA-baddaughter6 https://ift.tt/3A9EUof
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