So, me(22F) and my boyfriend(22M) have been together for a year. He's sweet, funny, charming, sweet, loving, caring and so so nice. He is everything I could ever want in a man. There's just moments where I feel almost angry being with him because I feel like I'm expecting this super close connection, and most times there's not. We were friends before we started dating and I thought we had a good connection, and I do think we do, just sometimes I get overly angry and anxious if he doesn't understand what I say or thinks what I have to say is funny most of the time. We have moments where I'm having so much fun with him, but then there's other times where talking to him is kind of a pain and I cringe at things he says(mostly jokes I don't find funny).
I also have a history of being in an abusive relationship and most of my friendships I have made in the past few years last one year. As well, friendships I do have I get easily annoyed by and I have moments where I hate my friends. But, I truly love them and would do anything for them. It's weird being in my head. I've told him these feelings where I feel like I don't feel connected to him sometimes and he seemed really hurt by it and I know I love him from how hurt I was from hurting him. As well, I have OCD, so I'm wondering if this is a thing where I'm having anxiety/an episode over basically nothing. I feel like when I'm not in my head, I can enjoy my time with him, but when I start getting anxious, I start to almost hate him. I get anxious from knowing I'm going to spend time with him because I get these overwhelming feelings of annoyance and I hate it. Even though truly, I do love him and think he is amazing. I'm wondering if I'm trying to mimic the anxious 'spark' feelings of being in relationships that seem fun, but fail.
Is it normal to cringe at some of the things your SO says, or feel like you guys don't see eye to eye on everything? My relationship makes me feel very safe and secure. I just feel like there should be more moments of having fun, or like we don't die of laughter everyday like some of my friendships? But I do laugh with him. I feel like when we do laugh, we rarely laugh about the same things? I get moments of wanting to break up, but I truly do not. Am I self sabotaging?
TLDR: I get annoyed by my boyfriend easily because I feel like we don't have that good of a connection sometimes, but I do love him. I'm wondering if this is in my head or if it's real
Submitted August 23, 2021 at 08:34AM by boogiewoogie632 https://ift.tt/3mq3ltX
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