My bf (24m) complains that I (22f) am not feminine etc enough, and then complains when I change, saying that he doesn't want me to change for him. Need advice

Pretty much the title really. I jusy want advice. I'm drunk and sad right now. I've spent the past week pretty much constantly s*icidal for unrelated reasons, and I just wanted a nice evening together.

We were meant to be going to the pub tonight with friends, but my bf got cold feet and didn't want to go. I was just in a good mood and was smiling, but he though I was laughing at him for not wanting to go and he snapped and swore at me.

We ended up having a discussion about how it made me feel, and he blamed himself for him making me feel really sad. I tried to explain that I've been just feeling really bad in general lately but I don't think he really understood. He ended up leaving because he was upset and didn't want company tonight.

I try to avoid fights because I have a lot of trauma from previous relationships/family shit. He complains that I'm not feminine enough, so I wear makeup more than I want and started shaving. He said tonight when I was taking off my makeup that I shouldn't change myself just to make him happy. But I only did it because he complained so much in the first place! But he's pissed off when I do what he wants.

I'm jusy so tired and depressed about everything right now and I don't know what to do. I love him and he's a good person and makes me happy. But I just need to feel like I'm good enough, and I don't know how to fix my own head to help this?

Tldr: my bf complains that I'm not what he wants, and then complains when I do change because he doesn't want me to change for him. Also I'm jusy drunk and upset in general so sorry if it doesn't make sense

Submitted April 24, 2021 at 03:57PM by krookskank https://ift.tt/2QZa3ta