My mother [F, 50] is originally from Ukraine. We moved to Germany when I [F, 25] was around 6. Since then she worked really hard but we still struggled financially really hard. We still visited my grandparents once a year in summer. My mom has a sister [F, 40] who is married to a „businessman“. [M, i don’t know] No one really knows what his job exactly is but they live a very luxurious life with 2 apartments and one house.
My summer would literally be looking at their perfect life and things we could never afford.
My mom worked 2 jobs to feed 2 children and saved money for the flights. Sometimes to the point my brother and I had to miss school trips etc. I never was mad or anything. At some point it was normal. Kind of absurd when I think of it now. She saved every € to afford a flight to a family who went on trips over the world instead of visiting us once.
I also never would have expected they would help us financially because it just never was a thing. At some point my relationship with my family in Ukraine fell apart. I felt a big negativity coming from them, them trying to create this picture our life in Germany is horrible. Like only point out the negative aspects and completely ignore the good things. They would brainwash my mom so hard, that even today she will tell me only negative things about our life here and downtalk everything positive. When I graduated, no one even congratulated me like it never happened. Neither my grandparents nor my aunt. Well, it’s normal now that I only talk to them on birthdays and Christmas while my mom is talking to my grandparents and her sister daily.
My grandfather got really sick a year ago. He did a lot of work in the garden of my aunt and at some point just fell from a ledder and broke his pelvis. Since then he is just struggling with health. Well that’s where it’s just gets absurd. My aunt was the one who asked him to do different jobs in the house so she was responsible for this whole mess but she kind of turned herself into the victim as she had to take care of him and asked my mother to send her money to help. Now my mom is sending money to cover the costs. And it’s really hard to understand how they can ask her while her sister is literally rich. She visited them 2x last year to check on them. My mom told me they split the money but she never saw a bill or anything. Also the money she is sending is a lot and is way more than medication in Ukraine actually costs.
We just got into a fight because I just saw today how much money she is actually sending. Every month around 100€. And a week ago 500€. When I asked why so much she just said her sister said the medication is hard to get, she needs more money.
Now the problem is the father of my mom isn’t her biological father. He is my aunts biological father. My mom found out when she was 12.
I feel my aunt used this against her to control her. Every time she wouldn’t do what my aunt wanted she would hurtfully remind her of this fact and my mom would do whatever she wanted to make her stop. I know this happened when they were children.
Now every time she isn’t doing want she wants her to not only my aunt but also my grandmother give her silent treatment and ignore all her messages and calls. They completely exclude her. This seems to really trigger her. I think that’s also the reason why she is sending the money without questioning it as she seems to want to please them no matter what.
Her sister would even go that far that she would buy the medication and then literally point out how she had to go to 2 places to get something so basically saying SHE was the one who helped them and not my mom. And then my grandmother would call my mom and tell her „Oh this poor girl went to 2 places, had to cancel appointments etc, she’s such an angel, we’re so glad to have her.“ At the end it would look like my mom did nothing while my aunt was the hero of the family.
Due to covid I struggle myself now with money. I just can’t support my mom as much as before. And I just see how she’s literally giving everything away and this stresses me out as not only I have no help but it’s just getting worse.
Im literally so sad seeing my mom like this + her working hard and still have minimum income. She now plans to fly to Ukraine to take care of my grandfather as his condition got worse.
Fun fact they don’t want to come to Germany so she can take care of them here. So she has to fly there. My aunt has no job and theoretically could take care of them but she doesn’t wants to? My mom is most likely losing her job now + completely ignoring the Corona situation. Plus they live close to the donbass area which is quite shitty considering the news of Russia vs. Ukraine atm. I’m literally desperate now. I tried to talk to my mom but she just seems to live in her bubble and refuses completely to listen to me. She lives in her own version of reality.
Am I a horrible person for not wanting her to help them financially? For me it’s just absurd.
TL;DR! My mom, working 2 jobs, is covering the medication for my grandparents while her sister is literally rich and creating a false illusion she’s helping and my mom is doing nothing. She plays mind games using the fact their father isn’t my moms biological father to control her.
Submitted April 24, 2021 at 05:24PM by nisszax https://ift.tt/3axIJcH
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